Please Don't Stare At The Disabled Olympians

As if Olympics organizers didn't have enough problems with the Tibetan protests and air pollution and such. It appears that someone didn't thoroughly proofread the volunteer guide to make sure that it didn't contain anything offensive. Instead, it left the printer with some colorful remarks regarding disabled athletes and spectators. Things like:

A section dedicated to the disabled said that "paralympic athletes and disabled spectators are a special group. They have unique personalities and ways of thinking."

And:

To handle the "Optically Disabled," the guide said: "Often the optically disabled are introverted. They have deep and implicit feelings and seldom show strong emotions. ... Remember, when you communicate with optically disabled people, try not to use the world 'blind' when you meet for the first time."

And:

On the "Physically Disabled," the guide said: "Physically disabled people are often mentally healthy. They show no differences in sensation, reaction, memorization and thinking mechanisms from other people, but they might have unusual personalities because of disfigurement and disability.

"For example, some physically disabled are isolated, unsocial and introspective; they usually do not volunteer to contact people. They can be stubborn and controlling; they may be sensitive and struggle with trust issues. Sometimes they are overly protective of themselves, especially when they are called 'crippled' or 'paralyzed.'"

And of course, wonderful advice about how not to joke with the disabled athletes:

The guide said volunteers should "not fuss or show unusual curiosity, and never stare at their disfigurement." It also advised volunteer to steer away from words like "cripple or lame, even if you are just joking."

Ah, the Olympics in Beijing. Who knew they would be so screwed up, yet entertaining.

Hello Olympics, Bye Bye Kittehs!

Obviously, when you're hosting a party you want your place to be relatively clean. Dishes washed, dirty clothes in the hamper, pizza boxes in the trash, porno mags tucked safely under the mattress. And when you're hosting a party the size of the Olympics you have even more to worry about. Like dangerous cats.

Though, the solution is easy. Just cage them up and transport them to death camps on the oustkirts of the city.

Thousands of pet cats in Beijing are being abandoned by their owners and sent to die in secretive government pounds as China mounts an aggressive drive to clean up the capital in preparation for the Olympic Games.

Hundreds of cats a day are being rounded and crammed into cages so small they cannot even turn around.

Then they are trucked to what animal welfare groups describe as death camps on the edges of the city.

The cull comes in the wake of a government campaign warning of the diseases cats carry and ordering residents to help clear the streets of them.

Yeah. That's not good.

I'm willing to bet that not every cat killed is disease ridden. Though, the government seems to have done a good job at scaring the citizens into believing that all cats must die. Even their pets that spend their days indoors, and are perfectly healthy. Hopefully, the rest of the cats don't band together and overrun the Olympic Village.

Hopefully Arizona Residents Won't Name Their Kids "Super" or "Bowl"

Having your city or country host a major sporting event is pretty cool. Especially when it's as publicized as the Olympics. However, that really shouldn't encourage parents to name their kids after said event. Though, parents in China obviously don't care.

The upcoming Beijing Olympics is more than just a point of pride for China — it's such an important part of the national consciousness that nearly 3,500 children have been named for the event, a newspaper reported Sunday.

Most of the 3,491 people with the name "Aoyun," meaning Olympics, were born around the year 2000, as Beijing was bidding to host the 2008 Summer Games, the Beijing Daily reported, citing information from China's national identity card database.

Don't these parents realize that kids have it hard enough these days without a funky name? It's just an invitation to get beat up, become a recluse and end up confronted by Chris Hansen in a kitchen someday. It's sad really. Though, the sadder part might be that some parents have named their kids after the mascots of the Olympics.

Names related to the Olympics don't just stop with "Olympics." More than 4,000 Chinese share their names with the Beijing Games mascots, the "Five Friendlies."

The names are Bei Bei (880 people), Jing Jing (1,240), Huan Huan (1,063), Ying Ying (624) and Ni Ni (642). When put together, the phrase translates to "Beijing welcomes you!"

That's just great. If you have five kids you can have your very own Olympics welcoming committee. And in return for the ridicule you put them through probably your own death squad that will either take you out, or choose the worst nursing home possible for you to live out your final days in.

Do You Understand The Words That Are Coming Out Of My Mouth?

As a way to increase excitement about the 2008 Olympics in Beijing, Chinese organizers asked Jackie Chan to record a song. As a well-known actor, Chan seems to be a good choice for promoting the Olympics. However, there is one problem with the song, it's in Mandarin Chinese.

China has released a song to get the world excited about the Beijing Olympics, and organizers have tapped actor and martial arts expert Jackie Chan to do it.

Chan said in his blog that he recorded the song "We Are Ready," which is being used as the official one-year countdown song for the Olympics next summer.

Chan sings the song in Mandarin Chinese.

Beijing organizers are considering an English version.

Now, I'm not sure how many people worldwide speak Mandarin Chinese, but I would think that if the Olympic organizers wanted to drum up maximum support they would record more than one version.

Of course, they're still having problems providing fresh water, so the theme song might be pretty far down on the list.

No, Those Aren't Gymnasts Making Your 2008 Olympics Gear They're Child Laborers

The Olympics sure have been taking some hits over the past few months. The 2012 Olympics have been blasted over their seizure inducing logo, and now the 2008 Olympics are receiving heat because some of the licensed products being made for the event are coming from child laborers in south China.

Investigators said that they found four factories in south China, who have been contracted to produce Olympic merchandise, using child laborers as young as 12 years old, and forcing other workers to work long hours for less than minimum wage. The organizing committee in charge of the Olympics has threatened to cancel the contract of any factory found practicing unsafe labor conditions.

Surprisingly, I haven't heard too much of an uproar over this discovery. Personally, I think that's an indication of how much people don't really care that much about the Olympics anymore. Though, maybe it's because the Beijing games are still a year away.

If they really want to make sure nothing happens they should put Kathy Lee Gifford on the case. Though, Dave Chappelle would be a far better choice if they wanted to run those factories efficiently.