Objects That Were In The Rearview Are Now On The Bench

Poor Jimmy Clausen. First, he has trouble getting enough Dep hair gel in South Bend, and now he has to share the bench with another 5-star quarterback recruit. Yes Jimmy, you thought that Evan Sharpley was your only competition, but Coach Weis has brought in a new guy to challenge you. And he didn't even need a stretch Hummer to get him around.

Our scene is set in a typical greasy spoon type diner. Notre Dame Coach Charlie Weis is sitting on one side of a booth with a plate stacked high with powdered doughnuts sitting in front of him. Across the table from him, sitting on the other side of the booth, is brand new, 5-star quarterback commitment Dayne Crist. As they sit discussing the Notre Dame offense, an obviously irate Jimmy Clausen enters the diner and makes a beeline for the booth.


Clausen: What the fuck is this coach?

Weis: (Wipes powdered sugar from lips, brushes off ND polo shirt)It's your new teammate son. Meet Dayne Crist. I believe that you two grew up near each other.

Clausen: Teammate? But he's a fucking quarterback! Didn't you see me getting my ass kicked out there last season? You should have recruited a stretched Hummer full of offensive linemen for fuck's sake!

Weis: (Tired from eating dougnuts, rests his head on the table)Jimmy, you're still my guy, but we needed an insurance policy in case you got hurt. I mean, those hits do add up over time. Just ask Drew Bledsoe. Don't worry Jimmy, you and Evan can battle it out in the spring, and I know that you'll give it your all.

Clausen: Look, I told you to call me J-Claus. You know, like "Santa Claus" except I bring fucking wins to everyone.

Crist: (In a muffled tone)Guess they all got a shitload of coal last year then.

Clausen: What's that? Nevermind. Anyway, look at this douche, he's not even fit to carry my man-purse full of hair styling products. Look at these spikes! Sonic the Hedgehog would give his little, left hedgehog testicle for some shit like this!

Weis: (his breathing has become labored, and he's turning a bit pale)Listen J-Claus, or whatever gay shit you want to be called, I'm the coach and I'm running this show. So just calm down. Why don't you throw on some "Rebel Yell", and pretend you're Billy Idol?

Clausen: I don't listen to punk shit coach. I roll straight westside style, and you two are lucky I'm not in here bustin' caps. But don't worry, you haters aren't gonna keep me down. I'm heading out right now to do some practicing, and come spring I'm gonna smoke all the pretenders. J-Claus is outta here.

With that, Jimmy Clausen heads for the door, giving a middle finger salute to the diner patrons that have turned around to see what the commotion was. Meanwhile, Coach Weis has apparently slipped into a coma.

Crist: Coach? Coach are you ok? Ah fuck, you mean I have to deal with that whiny, crybaby bitch by myself? Oh well, I'm sure the offensive line is tired of him complaining. San Diego State might not be that good, but one well timed "missed" block and I'll be leading the Irish in no time!


To be continued...

Should Notre Dame Have O'Hired O'Leary?

With this wacky season winding down it's time to take a look at one storyline that's excited some fans, and has been utterly devastating to others. I'm talking about the Notre Dame Fighting Irish, and their dismal 3-9 season.

It's been six seasons since the George O'Leary hiring controvery at Notre Dame, and many people probably have forgotten about it. However, with the team's struggles under Weis this season it provides a good platform for a game of "what might have been". In this case, we'll compare what O'Leary has done at UCF to what Weis has accomplished at Notre Dame.

In case you're not aware, O'Leary has been the head coach at UCF for a year longer than Weis has been at Notre Dame. This does give him a bit of an edge in recruiting his own players, and installing his system successfully. However, most of the numbers we'll be dealing with are percentages which should help even things out a bit more.

Winning Percentage
Weis: 22-15, 59%
O'Leary: 21-27, 43%

Bowl Games
Weis: Fiesta Bowl('05), Lost 34-30 vs. OSU; Sugar Bowl('06), Lost 41-14 vs. LSU
O'Leary: Hawaii Bowl('05), Lost 49-48(OT) vs. Nevada

Record Against Top 25 Teams
Weis: 5-9, 35%
O'Leary: 0-5, 0%

Best Record In A Season
Weis: 10-3, 2006
O'Leary: 9-3, 2007

Even with the dismal season of 2007, Weis has achieved a bit more success than O'Leary. Obviously, getting top ranked recruits to Notre Dame is a bit easier than trying to do the same at the number four or five program in the state of Florida.

However, over the past two seasons O'Leary actually has a bit better winning percentage, 54%, than Weis, 52%. He also has UCF headed to a possible conference championship, and is in line to have UCF playing in their second bowl game in four years.

Whether or not Notre Dame should have hired O'Leary despite his resume inconsistencies remains to be seen. However, if UCF duplicates the success its achieved, especially in 2007, over the next few years, and if Notre Dame continues to struggle under Weis, then some may look back and question Notre Dame's decision not to keep O'Leary back in 2001.

"The Shark" Is Heading To The Smokies

Congratulations Tennessee Smokies, you just picked up Jeff "The Shark" Samardzija after his promotion to Double-A ball following his compilation of a 3-8 record with a 4.95 ERA.

Eventhough his opponents have been hitting .331 against him, everyone, even Daytona Cubs manager Judy Davis, sort of expected Samardzija to make the move to the next level sometime this season.

"I think they pretty much felt like next year he was going to be (at Double A) anyway so why not give him five or six starts there and let him get all the media stuff out of the way," Davis said in a cell phone interview late Wednesday night. "If he can go up there and have three or four good starts, that will be more important than what he did here."

I'm sure that his $10 million/5 year deal with the Cubs is also a strong factor in keeping him moving up the ranks.

Hopefully he has more success in Kodak than he had in Daytona Beach.