At Least He's Not Collecting Social Security

At a time when you've got two head coaches at prestigious universities who are way past 62, and battling it out to see who retires first, tt's nice to see that there's youth out there that wants to be involved. Though, it would probably help if he had already gone through puberty and could actually drive himself to the stadium. However, that didn't stop 12-year-old Joshua Irizarry from throwing his name into the proverbial hat when West Virginia was looking for a replacement for Rich Rodriguez.

He's only 12, he doesn't have a car and he lives nearly 500 miles from campus. But Joshua Irizarry's heartfelt plea and willingness to work around obstacles got him a brief consideration for the gig as head football coach at West Virginia University.

Insisting it was "a completely serious offer," the Connecticut boy outlined his skills in a letter to WVU President Mike Garrison when the job opened up in December. They included "making up new plays to fool defenses in local sandlot games."

And he showed a knack for public relations: "Consider the publicity your campus would receive," he wrote. "I understand this would be a move more suited for a team like Temple, but I am just asking for your consideration.

"Don't think of this as hiring a 12-year-old kid from a nowhere town, but think of this as hiring a dedicated football mind trying to help a team," he pleaded. "I would work for any conditions you would wish to provide."

Any work conditions? Ah, to be young and naive again. With statements like that he'll be handing out water cups and washing jock straps for a cellar dwelling division 3 team in no time! Though, it is pretty humorous that even a 12-year-old understands just how bad Temple sucks. It's funny 'cause it's true!

The Mountaineers Found Their Coach

And he was on their sideline the whole time. Yes, West Virginia erased the "interim" tag from Bill Stewart's title on Thursday morning as they made him their new head coach. With last night's destruction of the Sooners on a big time national stage we all got to see what Stewart is capable of. A number of fans/analysts/"experts" believed that the turmoil surrounding the program would prove to be too much, but it was obvious from the opening kickoff that the Mountaineers were ready to whoop some ass. Stewart knew what to do to win, and it paid off in a huge way. Check out this quick comparison.

Before
Steve Slaton: 9 carries, 11 yards, 0TD's
Noel Devine: 7 carries, 11 yards, 0TD's

After
Steve Slaton: 1 carry, 0 yards, 0TD's
Noel Devine: 13 carries, 108 yards, 2TD's

Yes, Slaton did get hurt against Oklahoma, and that's why he ended the game basically statless. However, in the Pittsburgh game Pat Whiet got hurt, and the whole offense fell apart. Yes, losing your starting quarterback is a huge blow, but Stewart knew what type of weapons he had and did his best to keep them involved. Rich Rodriguez saw his quarterback go down, and acted like he noone else to get the ball to. And that's why West Virginia lost their shot at playing for a BCS title, but dismantled OU in the Fiesta Bowl.

The Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

To get you in the mood.


Louisville, we would like to welcome you to the Boulevard of Broken Dreams. You are no stranger to this part of College Footballtown. No, you've visited this desolate stretch of road with smoldering hunks of wannabees a few times this year. You tried to drive through without stopping for fear of getting "jacked", but you couldn't defend yourself against some merciless attacks and soon found yourself stranded on the side of the road wondering what the hell had happened.

We all had high hopes for you, but those aren't going to pan out in the near future. No, you've been reduced to jacking some other poor fool to make yourself feel better. Knowing that if someone else can feel the pain and disappointment that you have over the past few weeks that it somehow might make your anguish disappear like the fenders on your Trans Am when it was stripped in a matter of minutes.

You made a valiant effort to escape the traps, but ultimately succumbed. Now it's time for you to pull out the artillery, and strand another unsuspecting soul on the Boulevard. You have the weapons to do it, and the talent to execute your plan with cutthroat efficiency. So go ahead and break someone else's dreams. It won't be enough to fulfill all of the hopes that you had, but it will make you feel better about your own broken dreams.

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere - Friday Night Lights Edition

Since it's Friday, and the end of the workweek for most people, we think that you should be provided with a post that takes the edge off so to speak. Because it's going to be random and hopefully humorous, that means that it won't always be sports related. It will also pop up at any time on Friday.

Yet again, we get another good(at least on paper) matchup in college football before the majority of action on Saturday. This week it's #5 West Virginia heading to Tampa to face #18 South Florida. Last year, USF upset WVU in Morgantown. It should be a good game, though all I can think about when I hear West Virginia and/or Pat White is this clip from a WVU/Pitt game.

While I'll be rooting for USF, if I get to see Pat White imitating a bull on the sideline I'll be more than happy.



Happy Friday!

We Must Protect This Planet!

The safety of our planet.

That's right, the kickoff of the WKU vs UF game on Saturday was moved from 6PM to 12:30PM in order to protect Mother Earth.

"How can that be?", you say.

Too much speed.

You see, also playing on Saturday is the West Virginia team that fields guys like Steve Slaton, Pat White and Noel Devine. Three guys that appear to have booster rockets attached to their feet. Seriously, they're faaast.



Combine those three with some of the personnel Florida is going to put on the field such as Percy Harvin, Deonte Thompson, Chris Rainey, Brandon James and Jarred Fayson, and you can see why we would be in trouble.



In case you still haven't put it all together, here's some technical jargon from NASA(no, not the drunk ones):

"If the Earth stopped spinning suddenly, the atmosphere would still be in motion with the Earth's original 1100 mile per hour rotation speed at the equator. All of the land masses would be scoured clean of anything not attached to bedrock. This means rocks, topsoil, trees, buildings, your pet dog, and so on, would be swept away into the atmosphere."

Damn, that doesn't sound good. Eventhough the probability is "practically zero", all of those speedsters on their respective fields at the same time could alter the Earth's rotation to screw some things up. Hence, the earlier kickoff for the Florida game.

So, when you're sweating your ass off in The Swamp on Saturday don't be hard too on Lincoln Financial. They're just trying to save the planet from something like this...



And pray for the Florida game not to overlap with the 3:30PM kickoff of the WVU game. Though, by that point most of Florida's burners should be relaxing on the bench.

Wal-Mart, Your New Source For Impromptu Footraces Between Blue Chippers

If you're a college football fan, then you're probably heard of Noel Devine. You might have even seen some of his highlight reels on YouTube. Things like this, where his speed and agility threaten to rip a hole in the space-time continuum.



Clips like that have, according to Wikipedia(it's a "pedia" so it has to be true!), made him an "Internet phenomenon". Wikipedia also states that "Noel has been called enigmatic, mysterious, even legendary, since clips of his on-field accomplishments began appearing on various web sites such as Sunshine Preps.net".

When he announced that he would be attending West Virginia, many people couldn't help but get excited over the prospect of having Pat White, Steve Slaton and Noel Devine on the field at the same time. It does seem rather dangerous for the Earth's rotation, but should be electrifying nonetheless.

However, one thing many of you may not know is that Devine was actually beaten in a footrace by another top running back prospect from the state of Florida, and it occured in a Wal-Mart parking of all places. Apparently, Devine put the word out that he wanted to race Chris Rainey(add him to Harvin and Thompson and Florida has its own rotation alterers), and when that got back to Rainey he strapped on his shoes and went looking for his challenger.

Legend had it that Fort Myers running back Noel Devine, a protege of Deion Sanders and a West Virginia freshman, once challenged Rainey to a race at a Wal-Mart.

The legend is true.

"I was at my home chilling and got a phone call saying Noel Devine is up there at the movies, looking for you," Rainey said. "I put on my shoes, strapped them up, went up there, found him."

Rainey beat Devine three times, he said.

Obviously, it's not the most official of races, but it does provide a good example of just how fast Chris Rainey is. So, this season when you're watching college football, and you see Noel Devine break a long run, remember that he was defeated in a Wal-Mart parking lot not once, but three times by Chris Rainey.



Now that's what I call Wal-Mart parking lot fast!