Drinking Your Way To The Finish Line

Saturday marks the 133rd running of The Kentucky Derby, and if you're like me, then you don't have all that much interest in watching a short man ride Mr. Ed around a track beating him with a stick. However, this year a few things have come together in our favor that make this Derby a bit more interesting. And by "more interesting" I mean that they could involve alcohol.

Number one, this is the first Derby since the beloved Barbaro died. No, we shouldn't be happy that he died, but we should celebrate the happiness he brought others while on this planet. You could "pour out a lil' liquor", though I would much prefer to ingest it. I think that a shot of tequila would be appropriate.

I guess now is the best time to address the topic of what alcohol you should be utilizing for this special occasion. Of course the mint julep is the "official" drink of the Derby, but a drink with "julep" in the name sounds like it should have an umbrella in it. Besides, a mint julep is basically bourbon and mint leaves so why not just take a few shots of Jim Beam and chase it with a piece of Winterfresh gum? However, one of the other "interesting things" is that this year's Derby falls on Cinco de Mayo. Hence my suggestion of partying with your favorite tequila.

Numero dos, like I mentioned above Saturday is Cinco de Mayo. Combining your celebration of the Battle of Puebla with the Kentucky Derby is a perfect way to spend the day. Margaritas and tequila shots are more than adequate rivals to mint juleps and beers.

Number three, this year's field has two jockeys that are originally from Mexico. Instantly, you have two riders to cheer for because seeing them win on one of their national holidays would be awesome. The two jockeys are Juan Leyva, who's riding "Storm In May", and David Flores, who's riding "Liquidity". If either of those guys wins you should feel the urge to pound some tequila straight from the bottle.

So there you have it. Now you have some ways to make watching the Kentucky Derby a little more "enjoyable", and I've even provided you with two horses to root for. One other thing to keep an eye on is how the horse "Hard Spun" does. He's leaving from shoot #8, the same spot Barbaro had last year. If he somehow comes from behind and ends up blowing the rest of the field away like Barbaro did last year, you will definitely want to start drinking from the bottle because "The Horse" himself may be on his way down.

How's That Karma Feeling, Meshawn?

With their first pick of the second round the Carolina Panthers selected USC wide receiver Dwayne Jarrett. Apparently five seconds before the selection Keyshawn Johnson turned to Steve Young and said "I hope they pick Dwayne Jarrett because I can teach him, I can show him how to play football". Now he'll also be able to show him how one cleans out his locker after being replaced by a rookie because the Panthers cut Meshawn today.

It's got to sting a little bit that the rookie you called a "great pick", and justified him being selected by saying that your team "needed another wide receiver, needed a third guy" is most likely going to take your job. I guess Keyshawn wasn't lying when he said "he plays exactly like me". Oh well, at least he's always got a video to remember the occasion.

Maybe Tony Stewart Wasn't So Wrong

When Tony Stewart compared NASCAR to professional wrestling a little over a week ago I bet he had no idea how right he really he was. Stewart got in trouble because he implied that NASCAR races had become like pro wrestling matches where caution flags were being used to shape the outcome. Obviously the NASCAR bigwigs didn't appreciate those comments and made their displeasure clear to everyone, especially Stewart.

However, if he would have just compared a large segment of the crowds that attend both "sporting" events he wouldn't have had any problems. The video below is how NASCAR fans helped Jeff Gordon celebrate his record breaking(previously held by Earnhardt Sr.) 77th win.



Now tell me that after watching that video you can't picture a squared circle in the infield with Macho Man snapping slim-jims, Rick Flair yelling out "woooo" and the Hulkster putting his hand up to his ear. I know you can, brother!

Hopefully Baltimore Doesn't Have to Play Denver Anytime Soon

By now, I'm sure that most of you know that Heisman Trophy winner(didn't Florida take that from him too?) Troy Smith was drafted in the fifth round by the Baltimore Ravens. Now the talk is that he's headed into a good situation there because Steve McNair doesn't have the best health record, and Kyle Boller's contract is up in the near future. Some are speculating that there's a decent chance he could be groomed as the Ravens' starting QB. All Florida vs OSU jokes aside, I'm happy to see a kid that seems humble and dedicated get a shot at playing in the NFL. However, he better hope that Baltimore doesn't have to face Denver while he's under center(cue Florida vs OSU jokes!).

Yesterday, Denver used two of their picks on defensive linemen from the '06-'07 National Champion Florida Gators team. Jarvis Moss went first, at number 17, and in case you forgot about him he tallied two sacks, a forced fumble, and lots of general mayhem when he faced Troy Smith in the BCS title game. The second Gators lineman to be drafted by the Broncos was Marcus Thomas. Thomas was kicked off of the Florida team in early November, and was arguably the most talented lineman of the group. I'm pretty sure he too could have given Troy Smith some fuel for his nightmares. Then, after drafting those players, Denver signs Steven Harris, another '06-'07 UF d-lineman, as an undrafted free agent. Harris didn't rack up too many stats against OSU(and is probably a longshot to make the team), but he was part of that group that harrassed Troy Smith all night back in early January.

So there you go, three Florida linemen from the '06-'07 national championship squad all on the same NFL team, for now at least. Mike Shanahan is probably wishing that Troy Smith would have been drafted by an AFC West team right about now.

Cheer Up, The CFL Draft Is Only 2 Days Away

The NFL Draft is over, and because of your former favorite team's draft choices(thanks Miami!) you've already given up on the 2007 season and need to buy a new TV. Things aren't all bad though because the Canadian Football League Draft is on May 2, just two days away. Yeah, it is sort of weird that they're holding it on a Wednesday, but I guess it helps break up the week and it is "Hump Day" after all. Besides, it's probably presented by Molson which instantly makes it cooler than anything the Coors sponsored NFL does.

Regarding the NFL Draft, here are a few of my thoughts.

I am a Miami Dolphins fan(thanks for the condolences). When Brady Quinn slipped to #9 I, along with most of the other Dolphins fans in the world, thought for sure that Miami would pick him up. If you watched any coverage of the draft at all I'm sure that you saw the graphic illustrating just how futile Miami has been in their efforts to replace Dan Marino since he retired. Seriously, I think there were about 13 different players on the list(woohoo, Sage Rosenfels!). At one point I expected them to bring in Jon Gries for a tryout. He does after all have a burning desire to make up for his team losing the state championship. Anyway, Quinn had to realize just how bad his day was going when a team that had been looking for a QB to build around since 2000 passed on him. Then they draft Ted Ginn Jr. Yes, Wes Welker is gone, and there's talk that Marty Booker might not be back next season either, but there were quality receivers available in round two(Rice, Jarrett, Smith). None of them quite have Ginn's speed or moves, but I don't think that John Beck has the experience of Brady Quinn either which is basically the comparison since Miami went receiver in round one and quarterback in round two(and Trent Green to Miami isn't a done deal). Regardless of whether or not you like Brady Quinn, he would have put more people in the seats than Ted Ginn will, and he would have given the Dolphins a piece to build around. My TV and I still can't believe it.

The WNBA's Newest Export? Girl Fights!

This past Wednesday night, WNBA player, Deanna Jackson, was arrested and charged with assault after punching an opponent, Ina Gourevitch, in the face and breaking her nose. Apparently, Jackson and Gourevitch "got into a skirmish and shouted insults at each other" towards the end of their league's championship game. Somehow, the action "spilled into the parking lot, where Jackson sought out Gourevitch and punched her, breaking her nose".

Now Jackson gets to spend some time in an Israeli jail, and has to stay in the country until at least May 3 when she's scheduled to appear in court. I'm sure that will be a wonderful experience.

Two things. First, if you're going to get arrested for assault you probably want to make sure that you do it in your own country. Going to jail in the U.S. is bad enough, but doing so in a foreign country, especially after just breaking the nose of a player who won a championship for that country isn't the smartest idea. Second, can you imagine if the "Palace Brawl" had spilled out into the parking lot? There would probably still be guys duking it out on the sidewalks.

Oh yeah, Carmelo could probably take some pointers from Jackson on exactly how to fight during a basketball game.

2005 NFL Player Salaries Comparison Finale, The Wide Receivers

Two positions down and one to go. Up to now, we've found that in 2005 the top 10 highest paid NFL quarterbacks cost their respective teams an average of $675,880 per touchdown pass and the top 10 running backs cost an average of $1,524,719 per rushing touchdown. Now it's time to see how the wide receivers of '05 stack up to those numbers and each other.

Snagging Their Spots In The Comparison, The '05 Wide Receivers

In 2005, the highest paid wide receiver was Chicago's Muhsin Muhammad. His $9,335,407 million in salary was roughly $700k more than second place's Joe Horn. Let's see how all of their salaries stack up when comparing receiving touchdowns.

Muhsin Muhammad: $9,335,407/4 receiving TD's = $2,333,851/TD

Joe Horn: $8,667,200/1TD= $8,667,200/TD

Jerry Porter: $8,003,080/5TD's= $1,600,616/TD

Derrick Mason: $8,002,090/3TD's = $2,667,363/TD

Marvin Harrison: $8,000,000/12TD's = $666,666/TD

Randy Moss: $7,750,880/8TD's = $968,860/TD

Braylon Edwards: $7,743,000/3TD's = $2,581,000/TD

Isaac Bruce: $7,400,000/3TD's = $2,466,666/TD

Roy Williams: $7,067,500/8TD's = $883,437/TD

Eric Moulds: $6,600,000/4TD's = $1,650,000/TD

Those are the salary breakdowns for the top 10 highest paid receivers with respect to their receiving touchdowns. On average, they cost their teams more than either the quarterbacks($675,880/TD) or running backs($1,524,719/TD) with a sum of $2,448,565 million per receiving TD. Like those two positions there were a few players that peformed well during the 2005 season, but weren't in the top 10 in terms of total salary. These five receivers each reached double digits in terms of receiving TD's, but weren't paid in the top 10.

Steve Smith: $1,850,000/12TD's = $154,166/TD

Hines Ward: $5,668,960/11TD's = $515,360/TD

Larry Fitzgerald: $5,344,590/10TD's = $534,459/TD

Joey Galloway: $3,591,430/10TD's = $359,143/TD

Joe Jurevicius: $852,640/10TD's = $85,264/TD

That group contains two big-time "steals", Steve Smith and Joe Jurevicius. They each came in well below the $2.4 million average set by the top 10.

That's it for the salary comparisons of the 2005 quarterbacks, running backs and wide receivers. Hopefully it provided some entertainment while you were counting down the days until the NFL Draft. I also hope that it provided you with some insight as to how the players at those three positions stacked up against each other within their position and outside of it.

Happy Hoofin' Barbaro

Right now you think you've got your weekend all planned out as far as sports go. Check out the NFL Draft(presented by Mel Kiper's hair!), watch some NBA playoff action, maybe even make some time for the Red Sox vs. Yankees, Byron Nelson Championship or the Aaron's 499. However, you're forgetting one glorious event.

Barbaro's 4th birthday! I've even included an invitation that you can send to your friends!

That's right, this Sunday people all over the country will be celebrating what would have been the fourth anniversary of Barbaro's glorious presence on this planet. According to Sharon Crumb, organizer of the "Celebration of Barbaro's Life", she'll have more than 500 FOB's(that's Friends of Barbaro for those of you not in the loop) attending a "day of racing, sharing stories and paying respects" at Delaware Park. Additional activities include a "'Fans of Barbaro' race in which 10 fans will be able to participate in winner's circle activities, Barbaro highlight videos and a screening of the independent film, 'The First Saturday in May'". Hopefully security has been told to keep an eye out for Dee Mirich.

Other cities, such as Tampa, Los Angeles and Las Vegas, will also be hosting Barbaro celebrations at local horsetracks.

One curious omission in the AP article is of the website address where FOB's have left messages for Barbaro. Hopefully it's not because the fine people at Deadspin.com have driven them into hiding with their own contributions to the Barbaro messageboard. He was after all, Deadspin's 2006 Sportshuman Of The Year.

What An Obscene Gesture Will Set You Back In Various Sports

Today, NASCAR fined Juan Pablo Montoya $10,000 for what they termed an "obscene gesture". Obviously that encompasses a lot of gestures, but the most popular is probably the one finger salute.

So NASCAR believes that an "obscene gesture" is worth about $10k(Martin Truex and Shane Hmiel have been fined similar amounts). What about other sports leagues?

One of the most recent cases in the NFL was during the 2006 season when Michael Vick showed hecklers in the Georgia Dome that he thought they were #1 by way of the middle finger. For his actions, Vick found himself down $10,000. Prior to that, Jake Plummer and Jeremy Shockey had each been fined $5,000 for "obscene gestures". Obviously at some point the NFL decided that that wasn't high enough.

In the NBA, Andrew Bogut, Josh Howard and Adam Morrison were each fined $25,000 for obscene gestures during the course of 2007 season. More than double what the NASCAR and NFL participants seemingly have to pay.

In the past, the MLB, NHL and tennis leagues have fined their respective players $5,000(Albert Belle) and $1,000(Theo Fleury/Natasha Zvereva) for obscene gestures. Though, amounts in those leagues may have increased in recent years.

Even the Olympics have been involved with obscene gestures when they fined skier Pierre-Emmanuel Dalcin $3,800 for his flip-off in front of the camera.

So, what have we learned? That out of most of the organized sports leagues the NBA is the most stringent when it comes to fines for extending your middle digit. However, the tough stance that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has taken regarding behavior problems in his league might lead to increased punishment in the NFL. If Bryan Cox were still around he might be two fingers short right now.

If You Ever Needed A Reason To Watch The Oxygen Network This Is It

Sure, you've snuck in a few episodes of Sue Johanson's "Talk Sex"(it's like a female cryptkeeper talking about orgasms *shudder*), but you've never really watched anything on the Oxygen Network. Well, that's about to change. On June 15, 2007 Oxygen is giving us another round of "Fight Girls". It "chronicles 10 tough female fighters who are out for the fight of their lives and attempt the impossible - to beat the best female fighters in the world in a battle for the World Muay Thai Championship".

Really, it's like a fantasy for many guys minus the Victoria's Secret lingerie, pillows and giggling. However, we still get to see some ladies(hopefully semi-attractive ones) duke it out, and looking at the current state of men's heavyweight boxing it can't be much worse. Oh yeah, it's being produced by the same guys that brought us "Pros vs Joes" so you know that it's got to be entertaining. If we're lucky, maybe Petros Papadakis will even get knocked out.