Motherf@ckin' Computers

I know that the BCS is not a perfect system. I know that right now it's the best we have. However, I can't say that I was exactly happy when I pulled up the latest standings and saw Florida sitting at #4.

I understand that if they win out, including a victory in the SEC title game against an unbeaten Alabama squad, they should play for the BCS Championship. I also understand that Texas lost to the current #2 team in the country, and that Florida's loss came at home against a middle of the road Ole Miss team. Those things I won't dispute.

However, what are the fucking computers doing ranking Utah at #4, and putting Oklahoma and Florida tied at 5th?

Seriously, Utah?

They play the 55th toughest schedule, and didn't beat their first ranked opponent, TCU(#11), until this past Saturday. In the 10th game of the season.

Obviously someone somewhere has a love affair with teams that "crash" the BCS. Hopefully they open one of those "A Card From Your Best Friend" e-mails, and their computer crashes next week.

We're Gonna Tase You Bro!

Women wielding tasers is nothing new. Just think of them as the 21st century version of mace, or a well-placed knee to the crotch.

However, at least one of the females attending this party looks be readying herself for what could be a contentious finish to the college football season.

So, just remember that if you're the fan of a 1-loss team at the end of the season, and you don't think that the woman wearing orange and blue is serious about the electrical damage she's threatening to inflict, she most certainly is. And she's been practicing.

Ohio State Buckeyes: Still Having Problems Winning The Big One

Back-to-back drubbings in the BCS Championship Game, and now this.

Over the past few days you've probably heard about "Joe the Plumber". Well, it appears that Joe is a Buckeyes fan, and that he's supporting John McCain in the presidential election. If the polls finish the way they stand today, then that means that 'ole Joe will have seen the "team" that he backed in the "big game" go 0-3.

Though, if the BCS has taught us anything it's that the polls can look a lot different week to week.

Mr. Laybourn And His Football Ascot Are Here To Crash Your Party

The scene: Approximately three minutes left in the fourth quarter of the USC/Oregon State game. The Trojans are trailing by 7 points, and USC quarterback Mark Sanchez is preparing to lead his team on the tying drive. USC is ready to score and party on as #1. Until Greg Laybourn shows up.

Sanchez: Alright guys we have to get into the end zone, so we can go home, get to bed as the unanimous #1 and allow Coach Carroll to rack up his 15 minutes of sleep.

USC Offense: We hear ya. Let's get this shit over with, and hope that we can hang on to #1.

Greg Laybourn: Excuse me fellas, do you mind if I join you at your wonderful party?

USC: Uhhh, why don't you take your ascot and get the hell off of our field? Haven't you heard the hype? We're one of the best teams of all time.

Laybourn: Ascot? Why just for that I'm going to take your...uh....uh...actually, I'll take this motherfucking football thank you very much!

Laybourn snatches a Sanchez pass out of the air, and returns the interception back to the USC 2-yard line.

USC: Ahhhhh! Sonuvabitch! Not again!

Coach Carroll: [/tears][/does brain yoga to calm soul]

Oregon State: Screw you USC! We upset you yet again. Choke on our ascots!

Proof, that you should never fuck with a man wearing an ascot.

Urban Meyer's Misguided Anger

Urban Meyer isn't a big fan of the new clock rules in college football. You know, the ones that were supposed to give us, the fans, a more exciting experience, but have really just cut some more time off of the game. Meyer thinks they're "awful", and is upset that they're costing the Gators snaps on the offensive side of the ball.

Florida Coach Urban Meyer is upset at the new clock-rule changes.

After being limited to what he calls 46 competitive plays Saturday against Tennessee, Meyer came out firing Monday about the new 40/25-second and out-of-bounds clock rules that have reduced the number of offensive plays. He called them “awful.”

Unfortunately, Meyer's anger about the reduced number of "competitive plays" in the Tennessee game shouldn't be directed at the clock. Instead, it should be directed at the Vols coaches and players.

They were the ones that robbed the Gators of more snaps on offense by allowing Brandon James to return a punt 78 yards for a touchdown. The Vols also took away more snaps by giving the Gators starting field position on the Tennessee side of the field for 3 out of their 5 scoring drives.

If anyone is to be blamed for robbing Florida of more competitive plays it has to be the Vols. Though, when the score was 20-0 in favor of Florida at the half Meyer had to know that it wasn't going to be a very competitive game.

Saturday Night: Junior T.O. vs. Little Randy

If you thought this weekend's Alabama vs. Georgia game was just another SEC battle you would be partially correct.

It is going to be a knock down, drag out affair, but it's also going to showcase two of the best freshman wide receivers in the country. One, Julio Jones from 'Bama, has been called "Junior T.O.", the other, A.J. Green from Georgia, is known to some as "Little Randy".

And since YouTube videos are worth substantially more than 1,000 words I present you with some highlights of each player(prep). Just sit back, and let their amazing moves soothe your college football soul.





Can't wait for Saturday night now can you? Be patient my friends, you'll be seeing some amazing SEC catches in no time.

Peyton Manning Would Like A Shot At A Gold Medal

Apparently, Peyton Manning did not enjoy seeing Michael Phelps win eight gold medals at the Olympics without being able to do something about it. Oh well, at least he performed better on Saturday Night Live.

Refusing to stand idly by Mr. Manning has decided to put his stamp of approval on a petition to get the Olympic Committee to include American football on its list of sports. And based on his words at weplay.com, it sounds like he's pretty damn serious about the whole thing.



And if you don't agree, then you're obviously being completely bogus.

(In the interest of disclosure, in the e-mail I received pertaining to this I was offered a $25 gift certificate to Eastbay for posting the "widget". However, putting this up for humor far outweighs any credit at Eastbay.)

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere: Blowout Edition

Since it's Friday, and the end of the workweek for most people, we think that you should be provided with a post that takes the edge off so to speak. Because it's going to be random and hopefully humorous, that means that it won't always be sports related. It will also pop up at any time on Friday.

Sorry, this post is totally unrelated to Johnathan and his salon, and I know that some of you hair afficiandos are devastated(*cough*Jimmy Clausen*cough*). However, it has everything to do with Florida beating Tennessee 59-20 last year. So sit back and enjoy the asswhooping.



Happy Friday!

Bringin' The Wood: UF vs UT

Every year when Florida faces Tennessee I dig up two images from the past that perfectly represent what I want to see the Gators do on the field.

Exhibit A



Exhibit B



Yes, the appropriate response to both is "oooooooh....(silence)...that's gotta fuckin' hurt".

Hopefully Saturday there will be lots of big hits being placed on the Vols. In fact, Tennessee's o-line might want to take extra special care of Johnathan Crompton because who knows how many hits that gimpy ankle will be able to take. With any luck, Jermaine Cunningham will make some appearances in the UT backfield, and if we're lucky he'll pick some sacks and maybe a loose helmet or two.

What To Watch For Wednesday: UF vs UT

Here's a little segment that may or may not show up every Wednesday during the college football season. To start, it's going to focus on some things to watch for during the UF vs UT game.

Who will replace C.I.? This game is probably going to be the first one where Florida could struggle with the loss of Cornelius Ingram. Sure, they have a ton of playmakers, but in last year's contest C.I. tallied 3 receptions for 56 yards and caught one of Tebow's two passing touchdowns. I have no doubt that Hernandez and Casey can put up similar stats, and hopefully they'll answer the call should Tebow need them for some crucial plays.

Is this when Emmanuel Moody breaks out? Seriously, is he still on the team? He's gotten two carries so far this season, eventhough Coach Meyer was seemingly touting him as the feature back during the spring. However, even with those paltry stats a part of me can't help but feel that Meyer is waiting for just the right moment to unleash him. It just seems like it's a big secret that only the team knows about, and after he runs for a good amount of yards and some scores they'll be telling all the reporters about how they had to keep it on the DL. Though, after last year's shenanigans it might not be unveiled until the Georgia game.

Will Florida's rushing Medusa outgain the Vols' tandem? Foster and Hardesty are strong runners, and we all know how important the rushing stats are in this series. But will they be able to put up more yards than a group that's made up of Tebow, Harvin, Demps, Rainey, James, Moore and possibly Moody? That's a lot of bodies to throw at a team in the rush game, and a lot of different looks that can be used to trick the defense. Even more than the amount that the Gators had last year when they won 59-20.

Can Florida's secondary remain scorch free? Last season, Florida's secondary should have been playing in Nomex jerseys because they got burnt constantly. If there's one bright spot it's that when Jonathan Crompton came in last year against the Gators he went 2-for-5 with an INT. UT's receiving corps isn't quite as strong as past seasons, though, the opposition's talent hasn't always had to be high in order for Florida to give up big passing numbers. This year the unit does seem much more cohesive, and there's no doubt that they can ballhawk sideline to sideline.

All in all, it should be another exciting SEC opener for both teams. Florida seemingly is the more talented team, and should pull out a win. Hopefully even better than the 39 point drubbing they dropped on the Vols last year.