This Is Not Your Driveway Mr. Crowder

It seems that Miami Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder had a little trouble parking his truck early this morning. You see, instead of pulling it into his driveway or garage, he ran over a palm tree next to the Florida Turnpike and abandoned the vehicle there.

It was a Channing Crowder mystery. Florida Highway Patrol troopers found the Dolphin linebacker's mangled 2007 pickup truck on the shoulder of a northbound exit ramp from Florida's Turnpike at 5:15 a.m. Wednesday morning.

But where was Crowder? And what about the two items he left behind: a firearm and crutches.

The mystery was solved by Crowder himself. Troopers contacted the football player at his Davie home.

Yes, he said, he lost control of the pickup at the rain-slicked Hollywood Boulevard exit, slamming into a tree.

And yes, rather than wait around in the rain, he caught a ride home, leaving the crunched truck on the roadside, -- gun, crutches and all.

He didn't want to wait in the rain? Riiight. Sounds like someone may have been out and about, and could have ingested some alcoholic beverages and then lost control of their vehicle and smashed it into a tree. Instead of waiting around for the police to arrive, they got a ride from a friend and went home to "sleep it off". Though, I may be totally off, and maybe Crowder enjoys leaving his property smashed up on the side of the highway. If that's the case, then he should definitely make sure to retrieve any firearms before he hauls ass.

If Only All Countries Were Shaped Like Articles Of Clothing

Geography can be tough sometimes. With all the countries, borders, maps and such. If only there was a way to simplify things. Make them more recognizable in some manner. What about if they all resembled some type of clothing? It would probably make it easier for Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder at least.

Maybe he was joking, but gregarious Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder confessed today he didn’t know until Tuesday that people spoke English in London.

Crowder, a former Florida Gator and Atlanta native, apparently isn’t sure where the plane is headed when it takes off this afternoon for Sunday’s game against the New York Giants in Wembley Stadium.

“I couldn’t find London on a map if they didn’t have the names of the countries,” Crowder said. “I swear to God. I don’t know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that.

Yes Channing, Italy is shaped like a boot. It's fortunate that it was designed that way so people could find it easier.

Eventhough Crowder had trouble finding London on the map, he does know one London very well. London Fletcher, though he can't be from London for obvious reasons.

“I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That’s the closest thing I know to London. He’s black, so I’m sure he’s not from London. I’m sure that’s a coincidental name.”

Riiight...

And what about the British accents? Is Crowder familiar with those?

When reminded Dolphins practice squad receiver and NFL Europe veteran Marvin Allen is from London, Crowder’s standup routine didn’t miss a beat.

“He’s from London?” Crowder said. “I knew he was from over there because he talks funny. I was surprised (when they met) because — I don’t want to say he didn’t look the part because that’s a stereotype — but he didn’t look the part. I heard him talk, and I thought he had a recorder and was just mouthing.”

A recorder? That's hilarious. And what does he mean by "look the part"? I have a feeling that whenever he thinks of England images of Mr. Belvedere and Mary Poppins spring up.

Obviously Crowder could have been joking the entire time(and I really hope that he was), but I hope he's putting his money away wisely. The last thing we need is him teaching kids geography.
"Yeah Italy, the one shaped like a boot and that's Canada. You know, America's hat."