This Is Not Your Driveway Mr. Crowder

It seems that Miami Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder had a little trouble parking his truck early this morning. You see, instead of pulling it into his driveway or garage, he ran over a palm tree next to the Florida Turnpike and abandoned the vehicle there.

It was a Channing Crowder mystery. Florida Highway Patrol troopers found the Dolphin linebacker's mangled 2007 pickup truck on the shoulder of a northbound exit ramp from Florida's Turnpike at 5:15 a.m. Wednesday morning.

But where was Crowder? And what about the two items he left behind: a firearm and crutches.

The mystery was solved by Crowder himself. Troopers contacted the football player at his Davie home.

Yes, he said, he lost control of the pickup at the rain-slicked Hollywood Boulevard exit, slamming into a tree.

And yes, rather than wait around in the rain, he caught a ride home, leaving the crunched truck on the roadside, -- gun, crutches and all.

He didn't want to wait in the rain? Riiight. Sounds like someone may have been out and about, and could have ingested some alcoholic beverages and then lost control of their vehicle and smashed it into a tree. Instead of waiting around for the police to arrive, they got a ride from a friend and went home to "sleep it off". Though, I may be totally off, and maybe Crowder enjoys leaving his property smashed up on the side of the highway. If that's the case, then he should definitely make sure to retrieve any firearms before he hauls ass.

Khalif Barnes Doesn't Understand Valet Parking

Khalif Barnes seems to have a hard time operating a motor vehicle. A little less than one year ago he was arrested and charged with DUI. In that incident he basically called the residents of Jacksonville racists, and wondered aloud in the back of patrol car why they would even have an NFL team there.

If you thought that was interesting, then you should get a kick out of Khalif's latest automotive mishap. In which he wrecks his 2007 Mercedes causing an estimated $10,000 worth of damage, calls the police to report the accident, tosses the ignition key into the grass then flees the scene.

Jacksonville Jaguars offensive tackle Khalif Barnes was cited for reckless driving, leaving the scene of an accident and violating a term of his probation following a one-car accident in which he plowed his Mercedes into a tree.

Barnes called Jacksonville police to the scene of the accident near his house early Saturday morning, but when officers arrived Barnes was not there. When they knocked on his door at home, he wasn't there, either.

What officers found, however, was the lineman's 2007 Mercedes Benz against a tree and keys in the grass. Police estimated damage to the car around $10,000.

Sure Khalif, just toss the keys in the grass, and we'll get this Mercedes back to you in pristine conditon, no questions asked.

Greg Spires' Wrecked Porsche Cayenne

Tampa Bay Bucs defensive end Greg Spires let his teammate, Donald Penn, borrow his Porsche SUV, and this was the result. Spires says that it's "no big deal". Though, the owner of the parked car that Penn smashed into seems to think it is.

The Mother's Day gift that Amy Lucas' children gave her 12 years ago was parked in her driveway when she heard a crash, she says.

The crash report shows Spires has insurance, but Lucas doubts she will be properly reimbursed for the true value of the Oldsmobile.

"I'll never get the money I put into that vehicle," she said. "We used to put it in car shows. Now, it just looks pitiful."

Looks like the Bucs have a roster full of great drivers with Penn and Stevens. You can see more pics in the gallery. Oh yeah, what's up with listing Spires' address in the story?

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere - Jake Brown Badass Edition

Since it's Friday, and the end of the workweek for most people, we think that you should be provided with a post that takes the edge off so to speak. Because it's going to be random and hopefully humorous, that means that it won't always be sports related. It will also pop up at any time on Friday.

This week's 5 o'clock somewhere post is brought to you by Jake Brown and his set of giant, steel balls. Seriously, when you're in first place, and still attempt a run like this you have to be equipped with 'em. I know that no matter how much alcohol I consume this weekend whatever hangover I wake up with will pale in comparison to what Mr. Brown must have felt like as he walked off the halfpipe. Jake, you sir are a badass.



Happy Friday!

What Sport Inflicted These Injuries?

When you read the following what sport do you think of?

...punctured lung that immediately required draining, hairline fractures in three dorsal vertebra, five fractured ribs, fractured shoulder blade, sprained shoulder, transferred to hospital.

Running with the bulls? No.

Automobile racing? No.

Motorcycle racing? No, but you're pretty close.

How about riding in the Tour de France?

Australian rider, Stuart O'Grady, suffered those injuries "after crashing into a roadside barrier on the descent of the Cormet de Roselend during the eighth stage from Le Grand Bornand to Tignes."

O'Grady apparently touched wheels with another rider which sent him hurtling towards the roadside barrier. Fortunately, that barrier kept him from going off of the road and into a steep ravine. O'Grady is convinced that the barrier saved his life.

"The big wood post actually kept me alive and stopped me (from going over the edge of the cliff)."

It sounds like a pretty close call, but O'Grady is expected to recover. Hopefully he comes out of this ok.

Lance Armstrong Never Had This Problem

With all of the crashes in this year's Tour de France, and there have been some nasty ones, it seems like bicycling isn't as safe as I remember it. It always seemed like you started out on a Big Wheels type contraption, moved on to something bigger with training wheels, took the training wheels off of that and ended up rocking a cool 10, 12, whatever speed or a fancy BMX bike. Nowadays, you have to worry about cars, dogs, other bicyclists and deer. Yes, deer.

This morning, a bicyclist riding on Walt Disney Property in Orlando was hit by a deer during an early morning bike ride.

"Jeffrey Norberry, 56, was biking this morning along a secluded area on Walt Disney World property when a deer ran across the roadway and collided with him head-on, according to the Florida Highway Patrol.

Norberry, who was wearing a helmet, flipped over the handle bars of his bike and the deer before crashing to the ground shortly before 3 a.m.

The man ws taken to Celebration Hospital with minor injuries."

Daaaamn! I guess it's a good thing he was wearing his helmet, or it could have been a lot worse. Imagine having your cause of death listed as "bicycle collision with deer". Talk about embarrassing.