Peyton Manning Would Like A Shot At A Gold Medal

Apparently, Peyton Manning did not enjoy seeing Michael Phelps win eight gold medals at the Olympics without being able to do something about it. Oh well, at least he performed better on Saturday Night Live.

Refusing to stand idly by Mr. Manning has decided to put his stamp of approval on a petition to get the Olympic Committee to include American football on its list of sports. And based on his words at weplay.com, it sounds like he's pretty damn serious about the whole thing.



And if you don't agree, then you're obviously being completely bogus.

(In the interest of disclosure, in the e-mail I received pertaining to this I was offered a $25 gift certificate to Eastbay for posting the "widget". However, putting this up for humor far outweighs any credit at Eastbay.)

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere - Killin' Em Softly Edition

Since it's Friday, and the end of the workweek for most people, we think that you should be provided with a post that takes the edge off so to speak. Because it's going to be random and hopefully humorous, that means that it won't always be sports related. It will also pop up at any time on Friday.

I know everyone has missed this compelling segment in my absence. Lucky for you guys it's back and better than ever. Well, maybe not better, but it doesn't suck any worse either.

Anyway, I've recently rediscovered the hilarity that is Dave Chappelle's "Killin' Em Softly" routine. The first clip has one of my favorite Chappelle bits of all time where he's talking about his friend Chip. It cracks me up everytime.



Happy Friday!

Knowshon Moreno Has Moves And A Sense Of Humor

From Dawg Sports(via EDSBS) comes the tale of Knowshon Moreno, and his investigation into the harmful effects of noise pollution.

It's a good thing that Dr. Moreno was asked forced to put together this wonderful two page document letting us all know just how dangerous loud noises can be. Even if he did find it "time consuming and boring"(but educational!).

At the very least, it shows that Knowshon is just as talented with humor and sarcasm as he is when running the football(...down your favorite team's throat to the tune of 188yds and 3TD's. Yeah, nothing funny about that.).

Ron Zook, Overvalued Again

You think gas is expensive? What about NCAA rugs? Well, not all of them, but two in particular. Two that are tied together by one individual.
Yes, most of the rugs pictured are on sale starting at a mere $10.50. Except for Arkansas of course because they have to cover that Petrino contract somehow. However, the Illinois and Florida rugs are $105.00. Though, that's a steal because they originally cost $299.99! With that type of price cut you can afford to buy two. One for the front door, and one for the room that was going to be your kid's but changed after your wife tired of your college football obession and hauled ass. Otherwise known as the "common area" of your new studio apartment.

So who is blame for this obvious overvaluing of rugs? Why Coach Ron Zook of course!

Oh sure, he'll dazzle you with talk of quality construction, and how this year's model is so much improved over last year's. He'll let you know that this a high quality, durable item, and that he stands behind it 100%. And The Zooker will ask you to be patient with the shipping because these things take time. But after a few weeks you'll notice that the edges are beginning to fray, and that it's really not all that different from the previous models. In fact, it's almost worse because he really got your hopes up that this time it would be different. In the end, you'll be pissed because after dropping some serious coin on what should have been a badass rug for your midlife crisis bachelor pad you're stuck with an overvalued piece of shit that everyone makes fun of.

So, save yourself the heartache and buy something else. Might I suggest the Syracuse rug? At least the expectations are low when you buy that model.

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere - Mascot Bloopers Edition

Since it's Friday, and the end of the workweek for most people, we think that you should be provided with a post that takes the edge off so to speak. Because it's going to be random and hopefully humorous, that means that it won't always be sports related. It will also pop up at any time on Friday.

Had a rough week? Need some laughs? Well, what's better than seeing some mascots totally screw up? Seriously, there's just something about seeing a grownup version of a stuffed animal get hung up on an NBA rim.



Happy Friday!

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere - Mustache Edition

Since it's Friday, and the end of the workweek for most people, we think that you should be provided with a post that takes the edge off so to speak. Because it's going to be random and hopefully humorous, that means that it won't always be sports related. It will also pop up at any time on Friday.

This week's post is focused squarely on the awesomeness that replaced my beard last night. I put together a decent beard over the past two months, but last night I decided that it was time for it to go. However, I didn't want all of my hard work to go to waste, so I carved it into something totally ridiculous, yet incredibly incredible. I'm pretty sure that I've never posted a pic of myself on this blog before, but this is just too good to pass up. Hopefully it brings some humor to your Friday afternoon, and helps you kick off your weekend.

Yes, the Ray-Bans do make me look Super Troopers-esque. And yes, this clip has already come to mind.

Who wants a mustache ride?

Happy Friday!

Best. Name. Ever.

Usually I'll read an article with a humorous name, and giggle a little bit. Then I go on about my business not thinking anymore about it. However, this is just too good to pass up. So, I decided I had to share it with all of you readers out there. Here's an excerpt from the article:

When sliding feet-first into a base, is your front foot straight up or sideways?

Before a game starts, what are the first two things a player should check?

Stumped? Don't fret. When first-base coach Rusty Kuntz asked the Kansas City Royals to take his quiz on outfield play and baserunning fundamentals, there were quite a few "who didn't have a clue."

Did you see it? No? Well, let me make it a bit easier for ya.

Rusty Kuntz

Haha! Classic!

Super Bowl Wars: The Evil Empire Strikes Back

Darth Brady, upset with his performance against Eli Manwalker and Han Plaxico, has decided to strike back with a vengeance. In the meantime, Manwalker and Han Plaxico are diagraming their next course of action. While doing so Manwalker feels faint, like the pressure to perform has become too much. That's when he hears Obi-Wan Coughlin speaking to him.


Obi-Wan: Eli..Eli..

Eli: Coach?

Obi-Wan: You have to keep your head in the game son. Quit staring at your wristwatch! Have faith in your training and trust your teammates.

Just then, Han Plaxico seemingly arrives out of nowhere and helps bail out Eli Manwalker yet again.

Soon, Darth Brady and his team engage Eli Manwalker, Han Plaxico, Strahbacca and their teammates in battle. Though, Darth Brady and the Foxborough Stormtroopers appear to be much stronger and unbeatable, Manwalker and his crew are able to achieve some success and frustrate their opponents.

Eventually, Darth Brady's commander, Emperor Belichick who is also a powerful Sith Lord, has a few choice words with him.



Darth Brady: What is the plan, master?

Emperor Belichick: There is a great disturbance on the field.

Darth Brady: I have felt it.

Belichick: Our new enemy has become powerful. His ability to utilize The Force efficiently has become evident. Is there any way we can shut him down?

Darth Brady: He will submit to defeat or die!

With that, Emperor Belichick leaves Darth Brady to continue his battle.

Meanwhile, Eli Manwalker seeks assistance. He still hasn't become fully confident in his abilities, and needs some help realizing that he can perform on the field.


Eli: Holy shit! Wellington Yarda? I thought you were dead?

Yarda: Wrong you were. I've just moved onto a different plane.

Eli: Yarda, I need help. I know that I'm capable of special things, but my lack of confidence dooms me. Well that, and the ridicule that I have to endure.

Yarda: No attention must you pay to those fucksticks young Manwalker. Look where your abilities have gotten you now. Able to defeat the Evil Empire you are.

Eli: I know that I'm capable, but I always find a way to screw things up.

Yarda: Screw this up you better not, or I'll shove this walking stick up your ass.

Eli: You're right Yarda, I can't screw this up. No one is expecting me and my teammates to win, so all the pressure is on my opponents. Thanks for helping me realize my true potential.

Yarda: Humiliate Darth Brady and Emperor Belichick you must. Help the '72 Dolphins you will.

And with that, Yarda leaves Manwalker so that he may fulfill his destiny.

Soon thereafter, Manwalker engages Darth Brady in battle yet again. While Darth Brady seems to be much more skilled and powerful, Manwalker is determined to put up a good fight.

Brady: The Force is with you young Manwalker. But you are not an SB winning Jedny just yet.

Manwalker and Brady continue to battle. This time, Manwalker is able to move freely and is consistently achieving success.

Brady: You have learned much, young one.

Manwalker: You'll find that I'm full of surprises!

Brady: Your destiny lies with me Manwalker. Obi-Wan Coughlin knew this to be true.

With that, Brady leads an attack that makes Manwalker weak. It's apparent that he's still the stronger of the two.

Brady: That was too easy. Perhaps you're not as strong as Emperor Belichick had believed.

Just then Manwalker leads his own counterattack that rivals anything he's ever done.

Brady: Most impressive. Obi-Wan Coughlin has taught you well. You've controlled your fear, now release your anger.

Manwalker and Brady continue to battle. Will Manwalker be able to defeat the powerful Darth Brady? Find out in part 2 of Super Bowl Wars: The Evil Empire Strikes Back.

Super Bowl Wars: A New Hope(cont'd)

In our last installment of Super Bowl Wars, Obi-Wan Coughlin, Eli Manwalker, C3PK and R2G2 stopped at the spaceport to look for a pilot.

Eli: Do you really think we'll find a pilot here?

Obi-Wan: Well, some of the best pilots can be found here. So we'll just have to look around. Let's try that Gentleman's Club over there.

After a brief scuffle inside the club with some bouncers, Eli is introduced to Strahbacca.



Obi-Wan Coughlin: Eli, this is Strahbacca. He's first-mate on a ship that could transport us.

Strahbacca guides Obi-Wan Coughlin and Eli Manwalker over to meet the captain of the Meadowlands Eagle, Han Plaxico.


Han: So you need to get to Glendale huh? I can help you out with that.

Obi-Wan: Really? Will you be able to break through the Empire's defense, and help us attain victory?

Han: Of course! I predict that we'll be able to defeat them no problem.

Obi-Wan: That's pretty bold. The Empire is undefeated you know.

Han: Yeah, but everyone has to lose at some point. Besides, I've given them problems in the past.

Obi-Wan: Ok, we'll use you. Where should we meet?

Han: Runway #17. Don't be late.

Obi-Wan and Eli take off to gather up C3PK and R2G2. Han Plaxico and Strahbacca leave to prepare the ship. Soon they are off to Glendale, but before reaching their destination they encounter Foxborough Stormtroopers and have to do battle. Obi-Wan seperates from the group so that he can engage his former pupil, Darth Brady, in battle.


Darth Brady: I've been waiting for you Obi-Wan Coughlin. We meet again, at last. I will achieve victory because I am the master.

Obi-Wan Coughlin: Only a master of evil, Darth Brady.

Obi-Wan and Darth engage in battle. Darth Brady using his athletic skills and charm, while Obi-Wan Coughlin diagrams it up in his head and proceeds with a gruff confidence. They continue to battle until Obi-Wan Coughlin, sensing that he must give up his fight so that Eli Manwalker can thrive, allows Darth Brady to cut him down.

Eli Manwalker: No!

Manwalker and Han Plaxico fire at the Foxborough Stormtroopers that have advanced toward the Meadowlands Eagle. However, they quickly realize that it's futile and decide to take off.

After some time Eli Manwalker and his teammates realize that they have to destroy the Oline Star in order to take out Darth Brady. Eli battles his way through adversity, and drops a bomb with the help of Han Plaxico. Together, they've helped demoralize and destroy Darth Brady and his Oline Star. However, they both know that this war is far from over.

Coming tomorrow, Super Bowl Wars: The Evil Empire Strikes Back.

Super Bowl Wars: A New York Hope

The Sandcrawler pulls up to a homestead, and the Jawas begin showing off their captives. At first, Uncle Archie isn't impressed, but one of the droids strikes up a conversation, and quickly convinces him to purchase him and his friend.



Later on that day, the trio of Eli Manwalker and the two droids, C3PK and R2G2, are sitting in the garage.







C3PK: Oh thank the maker! This whirlpool is going to feel so good. I've got such a bad case of chokitis.

Eli Manwalker: This isn't fair. I'm never going to get any respect.

C3PK: Is there anything I could do to help?

Manwalker: Not unless you can do cosmetic surgery, or teach speech classes or give me a Super Bowl win.

C3PK: Well, I'm just a placekicker droid so I'm not very knowledgeable about such things. In fact, I don't know how to do much more than kick a ball, and sometimes I'm not even very good at that. Sorry, sir.

Manwalker: You can call me Eli.

C3PK: Well, I am C3PK, and this is my counter-part, R2G2.

Manwalker: Hello.

C3PK climbs out of the whirlpool, as Eli works on R2G2.

Manwalker: Looks like you guys have seen some action.

C3PK: Yes, I'm surprised that we're in as good condition as we are after going through what we did with the Rebellion.

Manwalker: You know of the Rebellion?

C3PK: That's how we ended up here.

Manwalker: Have you been in many battles?

C3PK: Several, though the Empire is still undefeated.

Eli notices a metal fragment stuck in R2G2, and begins to work it out of the droid. As he does, it breaks and causes R2 to project an image.

1972 Dolphins: Help us Obi-Wan Coughlin. You're our only hope.

Manwalker: What is that? Who are they?

C3PK: R2 says that they are Don Shula, Mercury Morris and Larry Csonka. Members of the undefeated '72 Dolphins.

R2 beeps and whistles.

C3PK: He says that he belongs to an Obi-Wan Coughlin. A resident of these parts.

Manwalker: Obi-Wan Coughlin? I wonder if he means old Tom Coughlin?

C3PK: Do you know who he's speaking of?

Manwalker: Well, I don't know any Obi-Wan, but old Tom lives out beyond the concrete jungle. He's kind of a crotchety old man.

Eli leaves to eat dinner, and when he returns he finds that R2G2 has scampered off to go find Obi-Wan.

C3PK: Please don't deactivate me sir. I told him not to leave. I promise that I'll perform better next time in the clutch.

Manwalker: Well, it's too late to leave now. We'll have to wait until morning. That droid is going to cause me a lot of trouble.


To be continued...

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere - Net Gunned Superheroes Edition

Since it's Friday, and the end of the workweek for most people, we think that you should be provided with a post that takes the edge off so to speak. Because it's going to be random and hopefully humorous, that means that it won't always be sports related. It will also pop up at any time on Friday.

I'm a big fan of Rob & Big. It seems that just about every episode has something that causes me to laugh to the verge of crying. Whether it's mini-horses, freestyle raps or weight loss challenges, I find the show funny as hell. This season it appears that a net gun is going to play a significant part in the hi-jinx. Rob bought it after someone mysteriously crapped in his pool, and up until the new episode he had only used it on family and friends. That was before he came across a bitchass Spider-Man imposter.

Spidey ended up tossing a cup of coffee on Rob's Urban Assault Vehicle, and for the rest of the episode Rob couldn't get it out of his head. In the end, he exacted his revenge using Spidey's own power, the ability to shoot a net, against him. It's hilarious, and the perfect addition to this Friday's posting.



Happy Friday!

The Dallas Cowboys Season In 8 Seconds

Thanks to YouTube member travis122imdb for this funny clip.



Yes, how 'bout them Cowboys?

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere - 2Fer Edition

Since it's Friday, and the end of the workweek for most people, we think that you should be provided with a post that takes the edge off so to speak. Because it's going to be random and hopefully humorous, that means that it won't always be sports related. It will also pop up at any time on Friday.

Sorry about the missing "5 O'Clock" post last week. I know all of you subscribers really missed it. So, to make up for it I'm kickin' it old school, and providing you with two of the best news stories I've ever seen.

Yes, this really aired on TV in California and Alabama. And yes, it really is that fuckin' hilarious.

So, without further ado I present "Bubb Rubb" and "The Leprechaun".





Seriously, that has to be the best amateur sketch ever!

Happy Friday!

Quantum Boggs, Teaching Dan Marino and Protecting Gold Medalists

Just think about how many Super Bowls Marino would have won had Wade Boggs actually had a timemachine.

Videos are NSFW due to language, and some nudity. Or you could watch 'em, and if someone complains tell them that you're doing your part to increase workplace morale.

Episode 1

QUANTUM BOGGS: Episode I

Posted Oct 21, 2006

Episode 2

QUANTUM BOGGS: Episode II

Posted Oct 21, 2006

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere - Flight Of The Conchords Edition

Since it's Friday, and the end of the workweek for most people, we think that you should be provided with a post that takes the edge off so to speak. Because it's going to be random and hopefully humorous, that means that it won't always be sports related. It will also pop up at any time on Friday.

This week you get some comedy to get your weekend started off right. I'm not sure how many of you out there have seen the Flight of The Conchords show on HBO. If you haven't, then get HBO immediately and start watching!

Seriously, Jemaine and Bret are damn funny, and their band manager Murray cracks me up all of the time. Here are a few clips to get you acquainted with what you've been missing.











Happy Friday!