It's Like Crossing The UFC With "A Bug's Life"

Watching things fight has always seemed to captivate and entertain us humans. Whether it's animals or humans, we can never get enough of watching something get its ass kicked. But what about bugs? Yes, instead of burning them with a magnifying glass, what if we used them for something a bit more sporting? Say, like fighting each other. Well, in Japan they've already realized the potential, and are bringing it to the whole world.

Thanks to JapaneseBugFights.com you can now witness for yourself how these bugs fight for survival in the wilderness. I haven't really figured out which ones are the baddest, though some of the scorpions appear to be a bit Chuck Liddelish. They seem like they should whoop ass all of the time, but sometimes falter. No doubt after a night of watching ladybugs and drinking sugar water.

If only Michael Vick had chosen to fight spiders and beatles instead of dogs. He never would have been punished like he was.

Keep The Cluck Out Of The Canal

If there is one thing that sportsfans usually are it's wacky. Whether it's some type of weird superstition, or a crazy post-game celebration us sportsfans are always coming up with unusual ways to show our support. And the fans in Japan are no different.

Competition begins on Saturday in the western Japanese metropolis famous for the "curse of the Colonel" and where the sports-crazy locals often plunge into the city's murky canal.

After the Hanshin Tigers won the Japan Series baseball in 1985, thousands of baseball fans jumped into the Dotombori canal, taking a statue of the Colonel pinched along the way with them.

The Man in White was never seen again but the Tigers have been easy to find -- extra crispy and usually at the bottom of their league ever since.

So, the sportsfans in Osaka grab the Colonel from KFC and throw him into the canal as they jump in? I guess it doesn't really matter too much since we all know he dead.

The Hair Club For Baseball Suspensions

Things really aren't going your way when you receive a suspension because of the hair growth medicine you're taking. Which is exactly what happened to an American pitcher playing in a Japanese baseball league.

An American pitcher has become the first player to fail a drug test in Japanese baseball history.

Japanese baseball commissioner Yasuchika Negoro said Friday that Rick Guttormson tested positive for a banned substance and has been suspended for 20 days. Guttormson's team, the Softbank Hawks in Japan's Pacific League, were fined $63,000.

Japanese baseball officials said a postgame test July 13 revealed Finasteride in Guttormson's system. Finasteride was in a hair-growing agent the 30-year-old Guttormson had been taking for two years. It's banned because it can be used as a masking agent.

I wasn't able to find any pictures showing exactly how bald Guttormson is, but it doesn't sound like he was purposefully trying to mask his test results. It sounds like he was just the unfortunate victim of baseball's broad steroid/doping ban.

And while using the excuse "I didn't know" isn't always viable because the players are supposedly informed of what is legal and what isn't, there does seem to be an expansive gray area that legit players get caught in. Hopefully it's something that can be tweaked to make incidents like this non-existent.

If This Happened In The U.S. We Would Have No Sports To Watch

It seems that in recent times athletes being busted for DUI's has become somewhat commonplace(.08, that's like half a beer!). I'm not condoning driving under the influence, though I find that when most people hear about an athlete getting arrested for driving after drinking too much they usually shrug their shoulders and say something like "sucks to be him". However, maybe that's because a number of people I talk to shouldn't even be driving back to work on Friday after lunch, let alone at 1AM on Saturday morning.

Anyway, a figure skater in Japan by the name of Nobunari Oda was "suspended from international competition for five months on Thursday after police caught him riding his moped while under the influence of alcohol". And that's not all:

The 20-year-old, a descendant of the mighty 16th century warlord Oda Nobunaga, was also banned from domestic competition for three months by the Japan Skating Federation (JSF).

JSF officials imposed a further penalty on Oda by suspending all financial aid for his training, which only the federation's elite skaters receive, until the end of the year.

Sweet jeebus. Banned from domestic and international competition, and had his financial aid revoked? If Chris Henry played football in Japan he would probably have been executed by now. The craziest part is that Nobunari's ancestor "conquered most of the country before his death in 1582". His relative did all of that and he still gets slammed with suspensions and financial aid revocation. Jeff Bowden better be glad that Tallahassee isn't located in Japan.