Mr. Laybourn And His Football Ascot Are Here To Crash Your Party

The scene: Approximately three minutes left in the fourth quarter of the USC/Oregon State game. The Trojans are trailing by 7 points, and USC quarterback Mark Sanchez is preparing to lead his team on the tying drive. USC is ready to score and party on as #1. Until Greg Laybourn shows up.

Sanchez: Alright guys we have to get into the end zone, so we can go home, get to bed as the unanimous #1 and allow Coach Carroll to rack up his 15 minutes of sleep.

USC Offense: We hear ya. Let's get this shit over with, and hope that we can hang on to #1.

Greg Laybourn: Excuse me fellas, do you mind if I join you at your wonderful party?

USC: Uhhh, why don't you take your ascot and get the hell off of our field? Haven't you heard the hype? We're one of the best teams of all time.

Laybourn: Ascot? Why just for that I'm going to take your...uh....uh...actually, I'll take this motherfucking football thank you very much!

Laybourn snatches a Sanchez pass out of the air, and returns the interception back to the USC 2-yard line.

USC: Ahhhhh! Sonuvabitch! Not again!

Coach Carroll: [/tears][/does brain yoga to calm soul]

Oregon State: Screw you USC! We upset you yet again. Choke on our ascots!

Proof, that you should never fuck with a man wearing an ascot.

Not Even Sandbags Could Have Saved The Blue Devils

Last night, the Miami Hurricanes basketball team accomplished something against Duke that they couldn't in the last 10 tries that spanned over 45 years.

They beat the Blue Devils.

That's right, the last time that Miami defeated Duke was on December 21, 1962. In the 10 games since that victory, the Hurricanes had lost by single digits just three times('86[7pts], '04[9pts], '05[4pts]), and they had been blown out by 20 or more five times('85[22pts], '87[38pts], '04[24pts], '05[21pts], '06[22pts]).

Series History, Hurricanes vs. Blue Devils
Year, Miami Score, Duke Score
'62-'63: 71 vs. 69
'85-'86: 82 vs. 104
'86-'87: 67 vs. 74
'87-'88: 69 vs. 107
'88-'89: 102 vs. 117
'04-'05: 83 vs. 92
'04-'05: 59 vs. 83
'05-'06: 71 vs. 92
'05-'06: 76 vs. 80
'06-'07: 63 vs. 85
'07-'08: 73 vs. 88
'07-'08: 96 vs. 95

But now the losing streak has been halted, and the 'Canes have handed the Blue Devils a shocking second straight defeat. Miami outshot Duke from the floor, 57.4% to 45.5%, and built a 20 point lead at one point in the second half.

And exactly how long ago was the last win for Miami against Duke in men's basketball?

On the date of that last win, the Bay of Pigs Accord was signed. I guess it's fitting that the Hurricanes beat the Blue Devils the same week that Fidel Castro stepped down then.

Down Go The Patriots!

Forgive me if this post gets a bit incoherent. It's fueled by alcohol and Queens of the Stone Age. Anyway, this was the best Super Bowl I can ever remember.

Seriously, we just saw Eli Manning grow up before our very eyes. Did you see him avoid that sack and bomb it to Tyree? That was a move that elite quarterbacks make in the biggest game of their life. And he did it. That's right, Eli Manning performed like an elite quarterback tonight.

And you know who he can thank for that? Bill Belichick and the Patriots. He played well enough against them in their first meeting in week 17 to have the Giants in position to win. Eventhough they lost that game, his confidence had reached new heights and he displayed a new set of skills throughout the playoffs. Thanks to the Pats, he was able to win three road games enroute to getting to a ring.

That's right, Eli Manning is a Super Bowl champion. Throw your ridicule out the window because he overcame anything you can write or say, and beat the "unstoppable" New England Patriots(I guess Citizen got it right after all.)

And as a Dolphins fan, I congratulate Eli and his teammates the way that I would if Miami had won the Super Bowl. They beat our hated division rivals, and kept the '72 Dolphins' perfect record intact.

Sure, New England might have gone 18-0, but what do they have to show for it? An AFC East title? And AFC Championship? Wow. Undefeated and that's what you're rewarded with? Sorry motherfuckers, but you got rolled in the biggest game of the season and that's what you'll be remembered for.

And you know what?

Even if Mastercard doesn't make a commercial commemorating it, it's still fucking priceless.

Why The Jaguars Will Beat The Patriots

Ok, so the "in" thing to do this week is to predict a Jacksonville win over New England. The reasons are really two-fold. One, a number of people have come to hate New England so predicting them to lose is a popular choice. Two, if you pick Jacksonville to win and they do, then you look like a genius of sorts. If they lose, no one remembers, and they really never bother you about making a stupid pick.

Sounds good to me!

Actually, since it looked like Jacksonville was going to make the playoffs I've wanted them to get matched up with New England as early as possible. The only thing I wish I could change is that it would be the Sunday game instead of the Saturday one. That way the Patriots would know exactly who they were playing if they won, and there might have been the added aspect of them looking ahead a bit. Alas, Commissioner Goodell didn't ask for my input so it's Jax at New England on Saturday night. Now onto some questions and stats!

Jacksonville Went 0-2 Against The Colts This Season So How Can They Beat The Patriots?

Good question! To start, let me say that I think it's different when you're playing a division rival than when you're playing an opponent for the first time in a season. Jacksonville and Indy know what to expect from each other. New England and Jacksonville haven't faced teams quite like each other this season, so it's a different feel for both of them. It's true that in their first meeting the Jags were destroyed by Indy. In Jacksonville no less. However, that game saw Quinn Gray stepping in for an injured David Garrard, and subsequently throwing two interceptions. Without Garrard in the lineup the Colts were able to stack the box and concentrate on shutting down Taylor and Jones-Drew. The second Jags/Colts matchup was much closer, and showed that the Jags are capable of hanging with the elite NFL teams. However, we're talking about them beating one. So just how are they going to do it?

With their returns and running game.

Everyone knows about how dangerous Jones-Drew can be on kickoff returns. Most of us saw it first-hand on that 96 yard return against Pittsburgh last weekend. However, one player that has been overlooked a bit is Dennis Northcutt. He's never been an outstanding receiver, but this year he's been a decent punt returner for the Jaguars. Jacksonville is going to have to make the most out of every possession, and if Northcutt can set them up with good field position, then they increase their chances of pulling off the win. Besides, if Jones-Drew is returning a lot of kicks, then that probably means that New England is scoring. And Jacksonville can't survive a shootout with the Patriots. The only problem is that New England does a pretty good job at covering punts and kicks, so hopefully the Jags have worked some wrinkles into their return game. Though, they've only had 14 punts returned them this entire season(lowest in the NFL), and that bit of inexperience could lend itself to some mistakes.

The other tool that Jacksonville will use to beat New England is their rushing attack. We've seen what a good rushing game combined with a good defense can do against the Patriots. The Colts and Ravens both have good defenses, both rushed for 100+ yards against the Patriots and both almost beat New England. Philly and the Giants also almost defeated New England, but that was more because of defense and quarterback play. The thing is, none of those four teams have a running back tandem like Taylor and Jones-Drew. Addai and Keith are pretty good, but not quite on the same level as the Jags' backfield duo. Taylor grinds it out on first and second downs, but also still has the speed to go the distance like he did against Carolina. Jones-Drew moves the chains on third down, but can also churn out yards on first and second down and is a threat take it to the house whenever he has the ball. He's also a great receiver out of the backfield, and can wreak havoc when covered by a linebacker. New England's rush defense is pretty strong, but I still think that Jacksonville can get Jones-Drew matched up one-on-one at times with their linebackers and that he can exploit that match-up. Jacksonville's strong rushing attack should also limit New England's scoring opportunities, though they do have an explosive offense that can score from anywhere on the field.

Yes, Jacksonville does have a good defense, but they have to do more than just defend New England well. The Jaguars have to control the game. They can control field position with their returns, and control the clock/tempo with their run game. Both of those are crucial if they want to win, and I believe that they'll utilize both to knock off the Patriots.

Can The G-Men Beat The Pats?

Tomorrow night we may witness an amazing feat. Something that I personally thought would probably never happen again. An NFL team may finish the regular season undefeated. If the Pats pull it off they'll be the first team to do it in 35 years. Many people probably aren't giving the Giants much of a chance to win because they already have their playoff spot locked up, and New England has already beat better overall teams. However, I think the Giants have a great shot at winning, and I'll tell you why.

First, Tom Coughlin has always struck me as kind of a dick. Seriously, watching him coach in Jacksonville I always got the sense that he was a hardass coach who enjoyed nothing more than whooping someone's ass. Player, opponent, it didn't matter. He always seemed to be motivated by showing everyone around that he was in charge, and that he could beat you every time. Knocking off the Pats and Bill Belichick seems like the perfect situation for him to draw maximum motivation from and use it to challenge his team. Plus, he has to know that this team isn't exactly Super Bowl caliber. Ending the Pats perfect run is much more memorable than a first round playoff loss.

Second, pressure. In the two closest games of the season the Patriots timing was hindered by defensive pressure. Both the Colts and the Ravens brought blitzes throughout the game, and forced Tom Brady into making very quick reads. He is more than capable of completing the quick throw, but over the course of the game it can throw off the timing just enough so that the passes aren't as crisp and the receivers drop balls. Against Baltimore, Brady was able to complete just 47% of his passes which was way below his season average of 68%. The Giants defense has limited quarterbacks to a completion percentage of just 57%. They've also racked up the most sacks, 52, in the NFL, and allow just under 200 passing yards per game. They have a number of defensive linemen that can bring constant pressure, as well as linebackers that are speedy enough to come on blitzes and cover short pass routes.

Third, overall defense and a strong rushing attack. The Giants aren't going to win if this game turns into a shootout. They just don't have the offensive weapons to keep up with the Patriots. However, they do have the number #4 ranked rushing offense that averages 137 yards per game. In their two closest games the Pats gave up 119 yards and 166 yards rushing. If the Giants can slow down the game and play it at a pace that they're comfortable with they have a good shot at grabbing the win. On the season, the Patriots have been held under 28 points just three times. Two of those times were the Colts and Ravens games. The Giants defense allows an average of just 20.9 points per game, and if they can keep the Pats in that 20-24 range they'll improve their chances of winning.

So there you have it. Just a few reasons why I think the Giants have a good shot at ending the Patriots' perfect season. Of course, cases could be made for the other 15 teams that New England beat, and being a Dolphins' fan I'm sure that some of it is wishful thinking. However, the Giants defense is good enough to slow down New England a bit and give them the opportunity to win.

College Football Debriefing

Each week, after all of the games have been played, I'll re-visit some of them and give my take(synonym for biased, slightly informed opinion). It's called the debriefing because whatever happened during your chosen team's game you probably felt like you were part of a crime scene, or maybe a terrorist attack. Whether you thought you were robbed by the referees, or got to witness some WMD's exploding in your stadium, this is where we'll re-open fresh wounds and examine the positives and negatives. But since we're all college football fanatics, probably mostly the negatives.

So Long Lloyd Carr
Something that had been rumored for a while, and set in stone a little more forcefully last week, happened this morning as Coach Lloyd Carr announced his retirement as coach of the Michigan Wolverines football team. In 13 seasons, Carr won 121 games, 5 Big Ten championships and 1 national championship. He also went 6-7 against Ohio State, and it's probably safe to assume that many of them are the saddest that Carr is retiring(don't leave, we want wins!). Like others have said, the spotlight is firmly on LSU Coach Les Miles, as he seems to be the frontrunner to replace Carr.

The Curse Of #2 Continues!
#2 ranked Oregon looked like they were heading for a shot at the BCS title against LSU, but those hopes ended along with Dennis Dixon's season in a loss to Arizona. It's sad to see a great athlete like Dixon end his Heisman hopeful season this way, but you have to give him credit for being a tough m-f'er and trying to play on a torn ACL.

Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk! In College Football?
With Oregon's loss, Kansas takes over the cursed #2 spot, and hopes to avoid the same fate that's befallen other #2's this season. It will be tough with a game against Mizzou this week, and a possible Big 12 Championship game against either Oklahoma or Texas. Their defense is strong enough to put them in position to win just about any game, but with the way this season has gone I wouldn't count out just about anything from happening.

The Mountaineers Are In The BCS Rearview Mirror
Currently at #3 in the BCS, West Virginia has a good shot at making the BCS title game. Sure, they need help in the form of a Kansas loss, and they have to hope that they don't get leapfrogged by Mizzou, but I honestly believe that the voters would like to see an LSU/WVU matchup out of what it probably going to be available. Ask any casual college football fan to name two or more players from either KU, Mizzou or WVU, and I bet that you'll get Steve Slaton & Pat White as the most common answers. Pitting them against a tough LSU defense would probably draw the most viewers, and I have a strange feeling that we'll be seeing it come January.

Another QB Injury, Another Upset
Oklahoma's Sam Bradford was knocked out early against Texas Tech, and the Sooners just couldn't get on track against the Red Raiders. Joey Halzle added two scores late, but by that time the deficit was already too large. With the loss, Oklahoma fell out of the top 5, and ended any hope of a shot at the BCS title.

Georgia Is On Fire
Georgia pulled out a win against Kentucky depsite four turnovers, and the Bulldogs racked up their fifth straight win. In that span, they've also defeated three teams that were ranked in the top 25. Should Tennessee lose next week against Kentucky, then the 'Dawgs will be heading to the UGA friendly confines of the Georgia Dome. If LSU has a choice, and they don't, I would suggest rooting for UT extremely hard on Saturday. Georgia is on a roll right now, and would probably give LSU all they could handle in an SEC title game.

My (insert respective team here) Did This Well
Scored lots of points. For the fourth time this season the Gators scored over 50 points. They tied their season high of 59 which they scored against Troy and Tennessee.

My (insert respective team here) Didn't Do This Well
Penalties once again plagued the Gators. It goes along with having a young team, but this late in the season there's no reason a team should be penalized 12 times for 75 yards in a game. Especially when they're facing an opponent that is as much of a mismatch as FAU was.

Heismens!
I've done my best all season not to campaign for Tim Tebow too much. However, on Saturday he became the first player in "modern college football" to pass for 20TD's and rush for 20TD's in the same season. He might not be the flashiest player, but without him Florida's offense doesn't perform anything like it has. He has the stats, and only his sophomore class standing is holding him back right now.

Kevin Smith, UCF. Smith is currently ranked 2nd nationally in rushing yards, and is ranked 1st in rushing TD's. This past Saturday, he ran for 177 yards on 20 carries and scored 2 TD's.

Graham Harrell, Texas Tech. With the upset win over Oklahoma Harrell showcased his passing skills. He went 47-72(yes, that's 72) for 420yds, 2TD's and 2INT's. Right now, he's got over 5,000 passing yards and has thrown 45TD's and 14INT's. Sure, Texas Tech is a pass happy offense(gross understatement), but Harrell can make all of the throws and has put up crazy numbers.

Consider yourself debriefed!