It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere - College Football Is Back Baby!

Since it's Friday, and the end of the workweek for most people, we think that you should be provided with a post that takes the edge off so to speak. Because it's going to be random and hopefully humorous, that means that it won't always be sports related. It will also pop up at any time on Friday.

It's Friday, and a holiday weekend at that! Who knows what time the workweek will end, but right now it's 5 o'clock in your office, cubicle, foxhole, whatever. The college football season kicked off last night, and it was fuckin' sweet! Here are some reminders of how my team, the Florida Gators, did last year.

Happy Friday!

Chucky Hates ESPN4

A few months ago, Toledo football player Harvey McDougle was charged for his part in a point-shaving scheme. He was suspected of "offering bribes to teammates so the point spread would be covered". At that time no other Toledo football players were suspected of being involved. However, as the investigation has continued another Toldeo player, former star quarterback Bruce Gradkowski, has had his name mentioned. Mostly by ESPN.

One of the other names that has surfaced during the investigation, sources confirmed, is Bruce Gradkowski, the Rockets' starting quarterback in the 2003-05 seasons who now is a backup with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Authorities have not spoken about Gradkowski's possible connection, but sources say investigators are examining his playing time in a number of games under scrutiny as they follow up on an allegation that Manni had offered a Toledo player $10,000 to sit out particular games.

"I don't know what to say about that," said Gradkowski, coming off the field after a recent Bucs' training camp practice. A Tampa Bay public relations assistant, who had been made aware of the focus of the interview, walked beside Gradkowski and deflected follow-up questions.

Apparently some members of the press weren't satisfied with that answer so they asked Bucs' head coach Jon Gruden what he thought of Gradkowski's name being mentioned in connection with the point-shaving scheme. Of course, Gruden's response didn't let us down.

I don't watch ESPN," Gruden said after the Bucs' 31-24 exhibition victory Thursday night against the Houston Texans. "I don't believe half of the [expletive] people on the channel, personally."

"If Bruce Gradkowski is throwing games at Toledo, why in the [heck] does he lead the NCAA in passing percentages? That is a crock," Gruden said. "These reports make me sick, really. I don't believe there is any truth to it and I'll go to my grave believing that -- and I hope ESPN3 or 4 has some real sources behind this story."

Haha...ESPN4? I think that's the channel where they air Berman's food show, "Boomer's Buffet Busting". Though, that quote does make me curious as to which people are included in the "half" that Gruden believes.

Win A Tour With The Joe Buck T1000

All summer long, I've been seeing these MasterCard commercials pitching the prize of winning a week with your favorite team. Finally, after sitting through it for probably the millionth time, I headed to the MasterCard site to see what it was all about.

That was where I encountered a very scary, computerized version of Joe Buck. Seriously, I fully expected him to stand up out of his chair, attach a machine gun to his arm and start blasting away. Robert Patrick has nothing on him in terms of creepy.

-Skynet Would Like You To Click Here To Continue-

Buck told me that there were actually two different great prizes. One seemed to be the ongoing promotion of winning a week with my favorite team, and the other was a "behind the scenes" VIP tour of the World Series with Joe Buck. For some reason, the way he said "behind the scenes" made me think I might want someone like Chris Hansen set up doing surveillance nearby. Anyway, at the end of the intro Buck proclaims his love of doughnuts and wheels away in his chair. Though, I tend to think he actually hovered away like one of those mini-hunters.

After Joe Buck took off, I decided to check out the prizes a little more. The first was the "I Want To Be A ______" portion. That's where you pick which team you would want to be a part of, and going to that part of the website rewards you with an eerie voiceover by Buck talking about Yankees and Red Sox. Then he goes on to say something about pod bay doors, but I didn't pay much attention to that.

I went on to pick the Houston Astros, since that's my favorite MLB team. And what do ya know? Joe Buck wheels in holding an Astros' jersey telling me that when he thinks of the Astros he thinks of "big bats". Riiiight. Then he tells me it's because of the "Killer B's" and Carlos Lee. I'm guessing that these spots were filmed sometime around December back when Lee first signed and Houston's line-up didn't seem too awful. Even then I don't think anyone would associate Houston with power hitting. Oh yeah, Joe Buck also let me know that while I was putting together my fan clip of favorite Astros' moments that he would be eating some spaghetti. Seriously, spaghetti?

So I added some clips, then checked out the music selections. I was hoping for something weird, but there were three types of "music", classic, electronic and rock, and they each had a few variations. Silence was also an option, and I was just glad that none of them included Joe Buck singing. Just when I thought things couldn't get better I clicked through to "Step 4: Add Your Own Voice". This is where I was instructed to call a number, provide the pin number and told that Joe Buck would help me tell my Astros story in my own words.

I called the number, and robo-Joe Buck answered! Awesome! Then I had to think of something somewhat witty to say since I only got two chances. Plus, recording this in my cubicle made it somewhat more difficult. I recorded my first message, which sucked so I recorded a second, which didn't suck quite as bad. Robo-Joe told me that my video would be up within 48hrs, but we'll see about that.

Anyway, I moved on to the "Week Of Your Dreams" section where Robo-Joe filled me in on the different ways I could win. Which ended up really being only two ways, either registering on the website or buying stuff with my MasterCard. Joe then suggested some purchases such as gas, a baseball glove, flipdown shades(apparently chicks dig 'em!), and food(hotdog, fries, coke, ice cream and sunflower seeds). As if Robo-Joe's infatuation with food hadn't gone far enough, he took off for some nachos while I checked out the site. I always thought that robots ran on oil or some other type of power source, but according to this MLB/MasterCard site I was way off base.

Finally, I checked out the rules for both contests, which seem fairly standard. The "Week With" contest actually has 3 grand prizes available, valued at $57,500 each, and each one has three choices of how to spend the week. They include Home & Away, MLB All-Star Break and MLB Spring Training. The "I Would Be" contest is a little different in that people vote on the submissions and the top 11 are then judged, though it doesn't say by whom. There is no value listed since it will vary based on where the winner will be flying from, but it does include a "meet & greet with award winning sportscaster Joe Buck". However, I'm guessing that you have to bring your own spaghetti.

All in all, they seem like cool contests even if Robo-Joe's insatiable hunger and creepy mannerisms make viewing the website a bit awkward. Oh well, at least he didn't interrogate me about John Connor.

Update!: They actually put my clip on the website. I got a link, but it seems to just direct back to the main page. Here it is in case it starts working. Since it probably won't, here's the easiest way to find it.

1. Go to the website.
2. Click on "Gallery" at the top.
3. Look for the Astros video by "brian". It should be on the first page. Here's a screen capture to help you out.

Always Bet On The (Running)Back

That wonderful time of year is here again. A time when one can really immerse themself in football, whether it's college, pro or fantasy. Though, you might not want to let your workplace know that you're a fantasy team owner.

This year, however there's a new aspect of football fandom. Betting on fantasy football stats. Instead of drafting a team, and participating in a league you can choose from different players(24 players: 8RB, 8QB, 8WR) each week.

Station Casinos Inc., the fifth-largest sports book in the country, was to become the first to release a betting line - at 7 p.m. EDT - and start taking wagers based on players' projected fantasy statistics.

So instead of plunking down a bet on whether the Saints will beat the Colts next week, or how many points will be scored, a better in Vegas can wager that Reggie Bush will finish with more than 16 fantasy points. Or that Peyton Manning might be under 21.

Station isn't offering fantasy leagues, just the chance to bet on fantasy projections for 24 players a week.

Some sports books in Nevada - the only state where sports gambling is legal - occasionally offer "proposition" bets on a player's yardage or touchdowns.

But Station is rolling all a player's projected stats together, then setting an over-under betting number based on a scoring system used in many fantasy leagues. With six points awarded for each touchdown, one point for every 30 yards passing and one point for every 10 points rushing or receiving, Station determines a player's fantasy line.

For the opening weekend, for example, Donovan McNabb's fantasy line is 16, and Terrell Owens' is 14.

And the pool of 24 players is going to change each week, so you always have to be knowledgeable of the match-ups like any good fantasy football participant.

It will be interesting to see if this type of betting catches on because it is so specific. To me, fantasy football is all about beating your opponents week in and week out with a team that you've put together. Though, people will bet on anything, so I could see this type of gambling having some moderate success.

We Must Protect This Planet!

The safety of our planet.

That's right, the kickoff of the WKU vs UF game on Saturday was moved from 6PM to 12:30PM in order to protect Mother Earth.

"How can that be?", you say.

Too much speed.

You see, also playing on Saturday is the West Virginia team that fields guys like Steve Slaton, Pat White and Noel Devine. Three guys that appear to have booster rockets attached to their feet. Seriously, they're faaast.



Combine those three with some of the personnel Florida is going to put on the field such as Percy Harvin, Deonte Thompson, Chris Rainey, Brandon James and Jarred Fayson, and you can see why we would be in trouble.



In case you still haven't put it all together, here's some technical jargon from NASA(no, not the drunk ones):

"If the Earth stopped spinning suddenly, the atmosphere would still be in motion with the Earth's original 1100 mile per hour rotation speed at the equator. All of the land masses would be scoured clean of anything not attached to bedrock. This means rocks, topsoil, trees, buildings, your pet dog, and so on, would be swept away into the atmosphere."

Damn, that doesn't sound good. Eventhough the probability is "practically zero", all of those speedsters on their respective fields at the same time could alter the Earth's rotation to screw some things up. Hence, the earlier kickoff for the Florida game.

So, when you're sweating your ass off in The Swamp on Saturday don't be hard too on Lincoln Financial. They're just trying to save the planet from something like this...



And pray for the Florida game not to overlap with the 3:30PM kickoff of the WVU game. Though, by that point most of Florida's burners should be relaxing on the bench.

Michael Vick Still Has Fans In The Big Brother House

Last night, on the gameshow "Power of 10" two of the "Big Brother 8" houseguests were contestants as a reward for winning their power of veto challenge. Amber Siyavus made it through to the next round, and her $100,000 question was about pitbulls.

In a sign of things to come whenever pitbulls are mentioned, host Drew Carey "called out" Michael Vick. Siyavus reacted by saying that she "likes Michael Vick". However, she's been locked away in the Big Brother house for the entire summer, and has no idea what's happened regarding Vick. Unfortunately for Vick, the rest of us weren't in the Big Brother house. Eventhough she's been cut off from the outside media coverage, it's still sort of weird to see someone proclaiming that they like Michael Vick.

Bo Might Not Know Diddley, But We Sure Do

Bo Diddley suffered a heart attack last Friday while undergoing a medical check-up, and he's currently in cardiac care. Diddley suffered a stroke this past May which impaired his speech and speech recognition.

For sportsfans, his series of commercials with Bo Jackson have to be among some of the most memorable. During the 90's, a number of people repeated the catchphrase "you don't know diddley", myself included.

Hopefully Mr. Diddley pulls through without any further complications. Get well soon, Bo!

This Is What Happens When You Watch Too Much "Prayer of the Rollerboys"

First off, a father giving his 13 year old son steroids is bad enough. Though, some part of you might try to justify it if the kid was bulking up for football or wrestling. However, when it's to give his son an advantage in his inline skating competitions, then he gets no sympathy whatsoever.

A 41-year-old Lady Lake man has pleaded guilty to providing steroids to his 13-year-old son to give him an advantage in in-line roller skating competitions.

James Gahan signed a plea agreement saying he provided his son, Corey, with synthetic testosterone and human growth hormone starting in 2003 when the boy was 13 and continuing at least into 2005. Gahan initially obtained the drug from a clinic in Tampa and later from a doctor in DeLand, the plea agreement states.

Damn, two years of steroid use? That can't be good for a 13 year old. Though, it does seem that the steroids might have helped Corey Gahan because he became a "world-ranked" skater, and was the 2004 teenage national champion. He was also invited to participate in the Inline World Speed Skating Championships in '05, but had to withdraw after failing a drug test. A positive test that both Corey and his father had excuses and denials for.

Corey Gahan, who denies using any prohibited drugs...Kopf notes in his order that Corey "vehemently'' denies using any prohibited drugs...

Gahan wants to appeal, saying his son’s testosterone level was elevated because he was tested shortly after a long-distance race. He said the 19-norandrosterone was possibly the result of a tainted supplement.

It's interesting to see how those excuses and denials turned into a two year ban for Corey, and a guilty plea for his father that could get him up to 10 years in prison.

One other interesting tidbit is that Gahan received some of the steroids from Signature Pharmacy. Yes, the same Signature Pharmacy that was shut down this past February by federal officials, and had at one point supplied Chris Benoit with steroids.

Gahan, who pleaded guilty Friday, said he used Signature Pharmacy in Orlando, which is under investigation by New York authorities who are looking into whether it provided steroids to professional athletes.

This case is also being called "the first -- and so far only -- in the United States in which a parent of a world-class athlete was charged with providing steroids to boost a child's performance". Unfortunately, I doubt it will be the last.

The "Muck Bowl" Doesn't Cave Into ESPN

You would think that if ESPN had any interest in televising a high school football game that the schools involved would do anything to get the game on TV. Even if it meant screwing up the scheduling for their other opponents. However, that's not the case in South Florida, where the "Muck Bowl" between Glades Central and Pahokee is an annual occurence.

Originally, the "Muck Bowl" had been scheduled for November 2, which at that time was the final Friday of the season, but the FHSAA didn't want high school players participating in games before school had started, which was scheduled to happen at the time, and they pushed back the start of the season by one week and moved the "Muck Bowl" to November 9. This change meant that Glades Central and Pahokee were scheduled to play Suncoast and Vero Beach respectively on November 2.

One idea was to move the "Muck Bowl" to either Thursday, November 1 or Friday, November 2, but that would hamper the schedules of not only Glades Central and Pahokee but also their opponents.

"We're not going to back out on Vero Beach, and we're not going to mess up multiple schedules for the Muck Bowl to be on TV," Palm Beach County Athletic Administrator Yetta Green said. "If we start moving teams and dates around, it's going to unravel the schedules of at least six teams. It will all snowball."

As of right now it appears that ESPN won't be covering the "Muck Bowl" due to the scheduling, but it's nice to see someone, especially at the high school level, do what's right and not cave in to the pressure of potentially having a game televised on ESPN.

Welcome To Gainesville Emmanuel Moody

Emmanuel Moody, the Trojans second leading rusher a year ago, has decided to transfer to the University of Florida. He'll have to sit out the '07 season, but he'll be ready to contribute in '08.

"I followed my heart," said Moody, the Trojans' second-leading rusher last season. "It's when you get that feeling that you know something is right and you can't really describe."

Moody ran for 459 yards and two touchdowns at USC, averaging a team-high 5.8 yards per rush last season. He said he left the program because of the depth at his position, citing a "business decision" and his need to be the featured back.

Of the Gators, Moody said, "They get their playmakers the ball."

He was ranked as a top 10 running back prospect coming out of high school, and played well last year. However, he was battling some injuries during the spring, and competing with as many as 10 other players for playing time at tailback which added up to him requesting a release so he could transfer.

I can't wait to see him put on the Orange and Blue in '08.