Wednesday, August 29, 2007

We Must Protect This Planet!

The safety of our planet.

That's right, the kickoff of the WKU vs UF game on Saturday was moved from 6PM to 12:30PM in order to protect Mother Earth.

"How can that be?", you say.

Too much speed.

You see, also playing on Saturday is the West Virginia team that fields guys like Steve Slaton, Pat White and Noel Devine. Three guys that appear to have booster rockets attached to their feet. Seriously, they're faaast.

Combine those three with some of the personnel Florida is going to put on the field such as Percy Harvin, Deonte Thompson, Chris Rainey, Brandon James and Jarred Fayson, and you can see why we would be in trouble.

In case you still haven't put it all together, here's some technical jargon from NASA(no, not the drunk ones):

"If the Earth stopped spinning suddenly, the atmosphere would still be in motion with the Earth's original 1100 mile per hour rotation speed at the equator. All of the land masses would be scoured clean of anything not attached to bedrock. This means rocks, topsoil, trees, buildings, your pet dog, and so on, would be swept away into the atmosphere."

Damn, that doesn't sound good. Eventhough the probability is "practically zero", all of those speedsters on their respective fields at the same time could alter the Earth's rotation to screw some things up. Hence, the earlier kickoff for the Florida game.

So, when you're sweating your ass off in The Swamp on Saturday don't be hard too on Lincoln Financial. They're just trying to save the planet from something like this...

And pray for the Florida game not to overlap with the 3:30PM kickoff of the WVU game. Though, by that point most of Florida's burners should be relaxing on the bench.

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