Florida vs Hawaii, The Quasi-Live Blog

Yes, Busta, you're right. We made it...finally.



Good thing this is only a "quasi-live" blog of the Florida/Hawaii tussle since it's getting started part way through the second quarter. Oh well, better late than never, and as Kanye said "you should be honored by my lateness".

Anyway, Major Wright just gave the Gators a pick-six, and the secondary has looked pretty good. Though, it's not like Colt Brennan is still under center for Hawaii. Wright has also laid the wood on a few tackles, and if he can cover pass routes as good as he hits this season then we could see an heir to RFN's stature as "scary fuckin' safety".

Joe Haden just recovered a fumble, and UF's secondary is all over the field today. There are five of them covering sideline to sideline, so they better be blanketing a lot of turf.

Brandon James returns a punt for a TD, and there's a flag...wait...no there's not. It's a fucking miracle! Hopefully that's a sign of good things to come.

Chris Rainey for a TD. Yes, he is one of the fastest guys in college football, and it's nice to see him socring when he gets his hands on the ball.

Speed. Last season it seemed that if a defender made a mistake there was no one else to help out. So far this season, Florida's defense is swarming with DB's, LB's and D-linemen.

Real life is taking over now, so this will end the "live blog". So far, I'm pleased by what I've seen out of Florida. Hopefully, the offense can get on track a bit more because they'll need to score points and put together long drives when they start their SEC schedule.

The Wait Is Over, It's Time To Rock 'n Roll

Yes, it's been a long seven months. Yes, it's seemed more like seven years. And hell yes, college football kicks off tonight!

You get 14 games to start the season, and each one should be devoured in its own special way because you, my friends, are hungry beasts.

So head to your favorite bar, and let them know you're still alive eventhough you haven't been there in almost 28 weeks, or post up on the couch and watch from the comfort of your home. It doesn't really matter. Just soak it all in because the 2008 season will be gone before you know it.
And to rock us into the start of this season, I bring you the musical stylings of Muse and their song "Knights of Cydonia". I could draw comparisons to the lyrics or talk about the Cydonia region on Mars, but really it's posted because the track fucking rocks and the video makes me laugh. And really, that's all college football is about. Making us feel good.

Perpetrating College Football Stereotypes

Stereotypes are funny because there is always some element of truth to them. Yes, oftentimes they can be blatantly racist and/or hurtful. However, when you're pointing them out and it involves someone similar to you, then at least you're letting others know that it's ok to laugh.

For instance, I'm a graduate of the University of Florida. Over time, our fanbase, especially as it relates to football, has been known to wear a certain article of clothing. At some point, I'm not exactly sure when, this piece of clothing was considered "cool". Though, in time it gravitated more towards being associated with "redneck", "mobile home", "hick" or some other derogatory statement referencing inbreeding and stupidity. Of course, I'm referring to "jorts".

For those of you that are unaware of exactly what "jorts" are think about the attire proudly worn by at least 50%(that's a highly conservative estimate) of NASCAR fans. Yes, there's the racing hat, racing shirt(either beer or tobacco related, likely without sleeves) and the always stylish pair of jean shorts. Or, "jorts". So now you know exactly what's being discussed here, and you're ready to see just how the stereotype that "Gators Wear Jean Shorts" was being carried on last Saturday morning. Behold, the power of the "jorts"!

Unfortunately, the lighting wasn't great and I was using a camera phone, though, better equipment wouldn't have made much of a difference because based on the Gators sleeveless shirt, jorts and Gators crocs this man was important and had to move at a hurried pace.

Ahhh stereotypes, you gotta love 'em.

Finally, Some Happiness From The Jets

As a Dolphins fan(thanks for the condolences) I usually have nothing but dislike for the Jets. It's nothing personal, just that they're in the same division as Miami and facing them twice a year brings ample opportunity to foster some hatred.

However, their signing of Brett Favre resulted in the release of Chad Pennington. That release resulted in Miami signing Pennington. It also means that he'll probably be the starting quarterback for the Dolphins when they face the Jets in the first game of the season.

And how sweet would it be to see Pennington beat wonderboy Brett Favre, and hand an opening day loss to his former team and Miami's hated division rival? Honestly, if Miami only wins one game again this season I hope it's this one.

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere - Killin' Em Softly Edition

Since it's Friday, and the end of the workweek for most people, we think that you should be provided with a post that takes the edge off so to speak. Because it's going to be random and hopefully humorous, that means that it won't always be sports related. It will also pop up at any time on Friday.

I know everyone has missed this compelling segment in my absence. Lucky for you guys it's back and better than ever. Well, maybe not better, but it doesn't suck any worse either.

Anyway, I've recently rediscovered the hilarity that is Dave Chappelle's "Killin' Em Softly" routine. The first clip has one of my favorite Chappelle bits of all time where he's talking about his friend Chip. It cracks me up everytime.



Happy Friday!

Aaaand We're Back, Just Like Brett Favre

It's been almost a month since my last post on the Sports Oasis. Chalk it up to being busy, moving to a new city, getting drunk for 30 consecutive days...whatever. The point is, the posts are back just like Brett Favre.

What's that? You didn't realize that Favre was ever gone? Well, that's understandable since he basically pulled the same semi-retirement bullshit he does every offseason just on a higher level.

When Favre announced his retirement I lauded him for going out on top. Then it became apparent that the Favre lovefest wasn't going to end anytime soon. In fact, it appeared that he wasn't even going to stay retired, and that somewhat changed my opinion that Favre had finished his career admirably.

Now, we're a little over five months from the day Favre announced his "retirement", and we get to turn on the TV and see him holding up a New York Jets jersey.

Fucking great.

You know, if this was another player, one who had never hinted at retirement or strung people along with the idea that he might not be coming back, I might could give them a pass on this. However, this is Brett "I seemingly almost retire every offseason" Favre we're talking about, and based on his prior track record regarding this matter he's handled this in the most douchetastic way possible.

Yet, if there's one small positive thing in this debacle it's that he went to the Jets. Yes, I know that my beloved Dolphins will have to face him twice this year, but I had no grand illusions of them being all that good this season. Sure, the Jets will probably beat them, but I will relish each and every interception that he throws against Miami.

Hey, this is Brett Favre we're talking about. He's good for at least two or three int's over a two game span.

So, welcome back Brett. I can't wait to see you heave passes into the arms of your opponents just like you did to close out that NFC Championship game. It's going to be sweet.

Daytona Cubs Fan Putting Life On The Line For Streak

Some things are worth risking your life over. Maybe you're trying to save a loved one, or maybe you just want to give people sweaty palms while they're watching your YouTube footage(mon dieu!) Either way, they're both a bit more worthy of possibly threatening your life than continuing a streak of minor league baseball games attended. Right? Well, not to Daytona Cubs superfan "Front Row Joe".

You see, Joe has a medical condition that he intends to get checked out...in the offseason.

You're like a player that plays hurt, aren't you?

"Yeah. I have a condition in my leg. My doctor calls it smoking disease. It looks like I have PAD -- peripheral artery disease. They want me to see a vascular surgeon. So I guess I'm going to have to have that taken care of in the off-season, because I'm not going to risk it right now. I can't. It's been too long."

You're not going to risk what, your health or the streak?

"The streak. It means too much to me."

It all goes back to those cigarettes.

"Yeah, if I knew then what I know now I never would have started with those damn things. By the time I walk out to put up my new number every night, I have to rest. It kinda hurts. I intend to have it looked at in the off-season."

Apparently, Joe made it to game 900 this past Tuesday because I didn't hear any news of the streak being broken. I have to give it up to the guy for sticking it out this long, but geez man, get yourself to the surgeon as soon as the season ends.

Someone Get Michael Beasley A Red Jersey

In football, the quarterbacks get to practice in a red non-contact jersey to make sure that everyone on defense knows not to injure the guy. Unfortunately, someone on the Miami Heat didn't get the same message, and apparently gave number two overall draft pick Michael Beasley an elbow shot that ended his practice early.

Rookie forward Michael Beasley did not finish his first practice with the Miami Heat summer league team Wednesday after being struck in the chest by a teammate's elbow.

The Heat said Beasley, the No.2 overall pick in last week's NBA draft, was being taken for evaluation and had no further details on the extent of the injury.

Geez. Coach Spoelstra needs to let these guys know that injuring Beasley is a great way to end up with another 15 wins next season.

Fish Killed By Soccer...Ball

Normally, when there's a soccer related death the mind instantly wanders to scenes of balconies collapsing, houligans rioting or players collapsing on the field. Oh, they were flopping? Nevermind that last part then.

Rarely would you ever think about something involving a fish. Well, unless Zidane climbed into the Koi pond and started mercilessly headbutting everything in sight. In this case, there was no assault. Just a single soccer ball and a 6 1/2 foot catfish.

A catfish has apparently choked to death after trying to chow down a soccer ball in the locks of a Bavarian canal.

German police say the 6 1/2-foot-long fish was found dead Monday, floating on the surface of the water with a blue-and-white soccer ball in its mouth.

"He tried to eat the ball and it got stuck," police spokesman Karl-Heinz Kuberlein said Tuesday.

Did the final of the Euro 2008 soccer championship on Sunday - during which Germany lost 1-0 to Spain - have anything to do with it?

"Whether the fish was caught up in soccer ball fever in the aftermath of the European championship and hence snapped at the ball can unfortunately not be determined," police said in a statement.

I especially enjoy that last part. Apparently, we will never know if it was an accident, or whether the fish, so distraught over the German team's loss, committed suicide by swallowing the ball.

On another note, it's a shame that such a fine specimen will never have a chance to get noodled.

Where Willie Andrews Pulled His Piece

Patriots defensive back Willie Andrews was busted on Sunday for allegedly pointing a gun to his girlfriend's head. The police showed up at his Connors Avenue apartment in Mansfield, MA, and he was arrested soon after.

Checking out Google Maps(double true!), it looks like there's only one set of apartments on Connors Ave. in Mansfield, MA. It would be The Village at Cedar Heights, and according to ForRent.com they range from $1320 to $1620 per month. Though, with this latest charge Andrews might be getting some new accomodations with bars on the doors.