Tuesday, June 20, 2006

What Will Mark Cuban Do If The Mavs Don't Win The Title?

Apparently Mark Cuban is pretty upset with the NBA right now. He's writing nonsensical blog entries, and has apparently accused David Stern of running a "rigged league". Perhaps he should follow Dirk's lead and push around an exercise bike for a while(Because that sure struck fear into the heart of Udonis Haslem).

After realizing just how tightly wound these playoffs have made Mr. Cuban, I pondered what he might do if the Mavs don't end up winning it all. Without further ado, I present The Top 5 Things Mark Cuban Might Do Should The Mavs Lose...

#5. Cuban, distraught over what he believes to be more poor officiating, seeks out David Stern to yell at him. While he approaches Stern he notices an oddly familiar man handing him a stack of cash. As Cuban passes the man in the aisle, he realizes it's Phil Jackson, who leans over and says "I own you, bitch!"

#4. Cuban decides to attend less homegames because he feels it's distracting to Avery Johnson and the team. Instead, he takes up blogging full-time, and subsequently crashes the entire Internet due to his fervent updating.

#3. Cuban sells off a number of his assets, and creates an entirely new basketball league. The MCBL(Mark Cuban Basketball League) promotes the heckling of referees, and Mr. Cuban is part owner of every team. At the end of each game he quickly runs to the side of the victor to celebrate with "his" team.

#2. Calling on his experience from working at Dairy Queen, Cuban starts a chain of ice cream stands called "Cuban Cones". The specialty is a flesh colored popsicle that inexplicably grows when someone says the word "billion".

And the number one thing Mark Cuban might do should the Mavs fail to win the NBA Finals...

#1. Cuban has a penor reduction to raise money for a deal with the Devil. In this deal, Isiah Thomas is put in charge of making decisions for David Stern for the rest of eternity. At one point, Thomas elects not to send Stern to heaven because he needs a personal representative at the DMV...in hell.

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