Thursday, June 29, 2006

Welcome to Orlando J.J.!

J.J. Redick, the former star guard from Duke, was drafted by the Orlando Magic last night. In honor of him moving to the Sunshine State, and in light of his recent brush with the law, I decided to compile a short, but important list for J Squared.

Truthfully, I've never hated Redick. The only time I rooted against him was when the Blue Devils were going up against the Tar Heels. Which has to do with Vince Carter being from my hometown. Anyway, on to the list!


With an arrest related to DUI I think it's safe to assume that Redick likes to party. He probably didn't get inebriated drinking too much wine at a late night bible study. One of the first things he'll want to do when he gets into O-Town is to scope out the nightlife. Though, that might be more about bolstering his heterosexual male image rather than getting sloshed every night.

This list is in no particular order, nor is it meant to be all-inclusive.

Donnelly's Pub
Popular with the college crowd from UCF. Redick can most certainly get some local fratboys(he'll definitely fit in with that half popped collar polo shirt) to buy him shots, and it shouldn't be hard for him to pick up a few UCF cheerleaders. It's also "sportsbarish". Though, if he lives far away the drive will suck.

There are usually a number of women here, and the music tends to get them bumpin'-n-grindin'. Redick should be able to score more here than he did against Texas and Georgetown last year.

Ladies drink free for a decent amount of time on Friday nights, and by the time Redick shows up they should be nice and tipsy. Unless he gets there early in order to beat DUI checkpoints on his way home.

Two story club with a VIP room and "ultra lounge". J.J. would probably enjoy an upcoming promotion called "Models & Bottles". Though I have no idea exactly what that entails. However, I can definitely picture him in a walk off ala Zoolander.

Cricketers Arms
Not a typical booty shakin' nightclub, but they do have some wicked karaoke. And who wouldn't pay to see J.J. sing a little Hasselhoff? Plus it's on I-Drive so there are a lot of tourists that Redick can impress with tales of on-court heroics.

Home to the "World Famous Swing Girls". J.J. would have a good shot at picking up multiple Mako's Girls, and they would probably even let him sit on the swing. Though someone might mistake him for a Swing Girl's kid that wandered into the bar.

What list would be complete without at least one stripclub? Rachel's probably isn't the best stripclub in Orlando, but you can get a lapdance and a steak there. J.J would certainly be king there, and I bet he could get some touchy feely in the champagne room.

So there you have it, a short and incomplete list of the places J.J. Redick should check out once he makes it to Central Florida. My only concern is that he sees this list, is very appreciative and asks me to be his designated driver. That's almost as bad as being Adam Morrison's moustache waxer.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow you admitted Vince Carter is from your hometown how brave. Do any NBA players who you know try ALL the time come from where you grew up or just Vince?

And the only people who go to the bars you just listed in Orlando are date rapists.