Friday, August 17, 2007

What's That, Bud Selig Gave Barry Bonds Steroids?

Oh man, if even 1/10 of this were true it would be awesome. America's favorite litigious inmate(well, my favorite at least) has filed another lawsuit. This time against Barry Bonds, Bud Selig and...Hank Aaron's bat!. With defendants like that involved who needs Judge Judy for law humor?

Some of the best parts are:

"Barry Bonds and Bud Selig are in a secret conspiracy together to boost television ratings. Mr. Selig has been secretly giving Barry Bonds steroids for over 9 years under the supervision of Sammy Sosa. Mr. Selig on 2 occcations(Dec. 10th 2001, Feb. 6th 2003) met Mr. Bonds at the I-70 Steak 'n Shake, booth #11, made an under the table cream exchange, needles, HGH, as Mr. Bonds provided Mr. Selig 22 thousand for his services.

I knew Sammy was involved with steroids! Though, I had no idea he was instructing Bonds on how to use them. And an "under the table cream exchange" between Bonds and Selig? I don't think my lunch really liked me reading that.

Barry Bonds uses Hank Aaron's corked bat during ballgames. The bat has a secret chamber where Barry stores his HGH supplements.

A bat with secret chambers? Sounds like something Harry Potter would use. I always doubted that he was a non-doping wizard.

Barry Bonds on June 22, 2004, bench pressed me against my will to show off in front of his ballpark buddies. I also witnessed Mr. Bonds selling steroids to nuns.

Well, that explains why we never knew about this, Barry doesn't have any "ballpark buddies". Also, you might want to ask your local Catholic school to test their nuns for 'roids to prevent any danger of them "going yard" on your child with a ruler.

Barry Bonds used Hank Aaron's bat to crack the Liberty Bell.

Ok, the steroid stuff is one thing, but cracking the Liberty Bell?

Mr. Bonds gave mustard gas to Saddam Hussein. Part of the oil for food scandal.

Well, maybe Barry can go to work for GWB when Karl Rove leaves at the end of the month because he obviously knows where the WMD's are.

There are other interesting items in there, so you should check it out.

Oh yeah, any lawsuit filed by someone who calls himself the "White Suge Knight" has to have some truth, right?

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