Denver police said Sauerbrun was cited for simple assault early Saturday after an altercation with a cab driver.
Surprisingly, I have a transcript here of how the whole thing went down. What follows may or may not be true.
Sauerbrun: Hey buddy, I just wanted to let you know up front that I won't be paying for this cab ride.
Cabbie: Yeah, ok. Where ya headed?
Sauerbrun: Seriously, I'm not going to pay.
Cabbie: Whatever. Look do you need me to drive you somewhere or not asshole?
Sauerbrun: Yes. I need to go to this address(hands cabbie slip of paper).
Cabbie: Ok. What does this say? Dr. Amesjay Ortshay? That's a weird name.
Sauerbrun: Yes, he's Middle Eastern. Now could you please step on it? I need to get something from him immediately.
They arrive at the destination, and Sauerbrun leaves for a few minutes. He soon returns with a small package.
Sauerbrun: Alright, let's get outta here. I've got some chicks waiting for me at home. It's #10 Dooshbagg Ct.
Cabbie: No problem.
The cabbie gets Sauerbrun home, and waits to be paid.
Sauerbrun: Sorry man. I told ya I wasn't going to pay upfront. And if you know me, then you know that I make good on those statements no matter what the consequences.
The cabbie hops out with a blackjack, and starts advancing towards Sauerbrun.
Cabbie: Listen, you punk motherfucker. I'm gonna get my money, or I'm going to kick your ass. It's your choice.
Sauerbrun grabs a rock, and hurls it wildly at the cabbie hitting his foot. He then turns and runs toward his front door.
Sauerbrun: Screw you cabbie!
Cabbie: What an idiot. I've got his name and address. Time to call my lawyer. I'm rich bitch!
As you can clearly see, Sauerbrun was up to his latest douchetastic tricks. It appears that the cabbie has a valid complaint, and he'll probably get paid. Maybe that will teach Sauerbrun not to make irresponsible decisions.